Comments on: For What? The Possibilities are Endless http://ahundredfallingveils.com/2012/06/17/for-what-the-possibilities-are-endless/ A daily poetry practice Sat, 18 May 2013 04:15:31 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: anon http://ahundredfallingveils.com/2012/06/17/for-what-the-possibilities-are-endless/#comment-1483 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 01:16:54 +0000 http://ahundredfallingveils.wordpress.com/?p=1423#comment-1483 Yes, that image of the heart and the cherry pulp is powerful. And I like the way it reads on down the column, sorta drips!

Two things:

One, that word “to” in the sixth line. I wonder if just tossing it like a pit and going with “…resists giving up the pit…” would flow better.

Two, I’m not sure you’re ending on the right note, the “this preparation” seems to restate how it starts. Wouldn’t ending on “dark skin” resonate better, even just “it’s messy” I think would be better.

]]> By: edbrummel http://ahundredfallingveils.com/2012/06/17/for-what-the-possibilities-are-endless/#comment-1482 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 15:52:38 +0000 http://ahundredfallingveils.wordpress.com/?p=1423#comment-1482 Surely you’re not implying your heart is the pits! Nor something as Hallmarky as, “Love is a bowl of ripe, red cherries.”
But, ahhh… the thick, dark, unyielding flesh around our hearts. Ay caramba, what sorta love is this…? Messy, quite indeed.

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