It is easy to meet you in meditation.
Today, when I failed to focus on my breath,
I kept breathing anyway. Easy to meet you
in the garden where I planted the green beans too late
and harvestless, bought some at the store.
Harder to meet you when I fear
I am failing as a wife because
I missed my anniversary
to stay bedside with my mother.
Harder to meet you when I am afraid
I am failing as a daughter
when I leave my mother’s bed
to go to my own daughter.
I so want to get it right,
this showing up for the people I love.
I so want to get it right,
this longing to be enough.
Oh failure, I have not wanted
to learn your lessons, have wanted
to believe I could fix, could be all.
And you, great teacher, have humbled me
again and again, helping me see
how much I care.
There’s more than getting it right at stake.
You help me debunk perfection,
offering yourself as a friend.
Each time I fall,
you reach out to take my hand
saying, Fail on, sweetheart.
Wouldn’t you like
to try again with your loving?
*
Update on Mom
Oh friends, thank you thank you thank you for all the thoughtful notes. Mom and I have felt so held through all this. I left Georgia yesterday and arrived home at 2 a.m. this morning.And in the first solidly positive news in the last two weeks about mom’s health, she was released from the ICU today. And she is, as usual, amazingly upbeat, positive and full of gratefulness. It is such a relief. May this truly be the turn around point.
There was just so much difficult news the last couple of days it was hard to share about it–uncontrollable shivering, delirium, internal bleeding–but friends, mom truly does seem to be on the mend. Thank you for every candle, every prayer, every generous thought, every note. I have read aloud and thanked aloud every one of you who has written. Thank you for reaching back with your support.