It is easy to meet you in meditation.
Today, when I failed to focus on my breath,
I kept breathing anyway. Easy to meet you
in the garden where I planted the green beans too late
and harvestless, bought some at the store.
Harder to meet you when I fear
I am failing as a wife because
I missed my anniversary
to stay bedside with my mother.
Harder to meet you when I am afraid
I am failing as a daughter
when I leave my mother’s bed
to go to my own daughter.
I so want to get it right,
this showing up for the people I love.
I so want to get it right,
this longing to be enough.
Oh failure, I have not wanted
to learn your lessons, have wanted
to believe I could fix, could be all.
And you, great teacher, have humbled me
again and again, helping me see
how much I care.
There’s more than getting it right at stake.
You help me debunk perfection,
offering yourself as a friend.
Each time I fall,
you reach out to take my hand
saying, Fail on, sweetheart.
Wouldn’t you like
to try again with your loving?
*
Update on Mom
Oh friends, thank you thank you thank you for all the thoughtful notes. Mom and I have felt so held through all this. I left Georgia yesterday and arrived home at 2 a.m. this morning.And in the first solidly positive news in the last two weeks about mom’s health, she was released from the ICU today. And she is, as usual, amazingly upbeat, positive and full of gratefulness. It is such a relief. May this truly be the turn around point.
There was just so much difficult news the last couple of days it was hard to share about it–uncontrollable shivering, delirium, internal bleeding–but friends, mom truly does seem to be on the mend. Thank you for every candle, every prayer, every generous thought, every note. I have read aloud and thanked aloud every one of you who has written. Thank you for reaching back with your support.
Fail on feels, too, like failing through. One thing reveals another, then another, till it all opens into a truer becoming. Even what your mom has been going through — shivering, delirium, internal bleeding but also gratitude and positivity and accepting wise ministrations– might be seen as an embodiment of all you and your family have faced these last two or more years. It’s all poetry.
It’s all poetry indeed, yes, sweet poet. Failing through … it’s what we do … love love love to you
An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by its own fullness, not by its reception. Harold Loukes
My dear, the fullness of your love is felt everywhere, regardless of where you actually are.
oh friend, thank you for this quote and for this thoughtful response. thank you, thank you
Ah friend, how can you fail when you keep on practicing your loving? There is more than enough to share. As Laura says, it’s all poetry. xoxo
ahhh, there it is. and that is where I arrive, but there are these tugs, these voices, these fears …
Your words never fail me!
ha!!! Thank you for this smile on my face.
Yes as Janis says you cannot fail as long as you keep on practising your loving!! lovely plus your intention maybe repeating myself?! I will keep you,mum in my DLI
j
thank you, thank you, thank you
How are you failing when you’re doing what’s expected of you by the person you’ve “failed?” Did Eric truly expect you to give your anniversary precedence over your mom? And didn’t your mom, being a mom herself, understand your leaving her for a bit in order to attend to your own daughter? Silly you. Methinks your actions were the full opposite of failure.
But then, the heart does feel itself pulled in multiple and contradictory directions. The heart wants to do all things, be all things. The heart suffers when others, and the self, suffer. It rails hardest when beloveds are made to suffer.
Oh, this being human.
Welcome home, btw. May mothers and daughters continue healing and improving.
ahhhhh, thank you.
oh friend, of course not–Eric was so dear in making sure I knew that he fully supported me being there. And mom also released me completely. But the heart wants impossible things and feels responsible. oh this being human indeed.
hello, i see you there
i embody this in my own way while
traversing the ley lines of love in
the, at times, overwhelming
complexity of life
your candidness and vulnerability
is refreshing, healing and deeply meaningful
candles, prayers, hugs and love
~ L
Thank you, Laegan … thank you for seeing me, for the prayers & love
r
“ley lines of love”
Love this description.