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Posts Tagged ‘uncertainty’

I thought I knew what love was,
and picked it from the tree—
red and smooth, hard, round
filled with ruby seeds.

I picked it ripe and lovely,
I cupped it in my hands
but did not want to spill its juice
or tear its flawless skin.

And so I set it in a bowl
to admire it on the table
and I admired till I did not,
until I forgot to see it.

And the skin began to wither,
turned to leathered, sunken rind,
and the color lapsed to dullish rust
and the ruby seeds inside—

I never knew their sweetness,
never tasted their garnet juice.
What became of the weight of love,
this love I thought I knew?

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Tonight, the storm is not here, but I see it
in the distance. Lightning unzippers the air, white shock
of illumination. The sky doesn’t hide its bruises.

Dark tents of rain settle over the flats.
And the thunder, no matter how distant, grabs me
with its enormous hands, shakes me by the shoulders,

and tells me to hush. If the angel came to me tonight
and said it were my turn to wrestle, would I tussle with him
until daybreak? Would I try to shutter him out? If he pushed me

to the earth, would I leap up and run? Or lie there and let
him take me the way the rain would if it were here?
I hush. Must we fight for our blessings? Must we steal

for our birthright? The wind dances the leaves,
ravages my hair. Angel, please do not come tonight.
I am tired. Uncertain. Oh, you are already here.

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Moth

You are nothing but materials for burning
—Dorothy Walters

I wanted to be
somebody, not
just somebody
but somebody
wonderful and
preferably thin.
I wanted to be
somebody loved
and loving, someone
worth listening to,
someone fun, and
for forty two years
I built her into
a me, but she
is just a heap
of labels, a pile
of shoulds, a
list of pretty knowns
and fueling the one
who wants, there
is the one who is.

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That wind always tries
to undress me … today
it took my name, too.

*

It’s hard to be
serious when you’re kissing
my elbows.

*

What’s that? It’s only
supposed to have seventeen
syllables? But the sky today deserves at least twenty-five.

*

Erase the word mine
from these lips. Replace it with
nothing.

*

Tonight the stars
are just stars, the lines that link
them all undrawn.

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I curl the question mark of my body
into the silence around us. There is silence

inside of us, too, a pure silence that pools
and spills and overflows making it easier now to not know,

to not even guess what comes next,
and after years of wanting answers and trying

to make the world fit into an equation or an outline
or a calendar square or a rhyme scheme, I am

more easy now with falling into silence, with falling and
not even believing in wings, falling past

the hands reaching out to rescue me as if
falling is a terrible thing. But even falling

is a form of knowing, just a new metaphor,
a new word for path. And even a question mark

knows where it curves, where it is line, where it
breaks, where it becomes a point, one small point

amongst many small points. I am learning,
unlearning, to be less than that.

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quickly now it ravels,
this garment of everything
I thought I knew

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six

too many to count
petals on the orchard floor
he loves me?

*

rusted lock
in the heart’s back pocket
a spare key

*

snow on the ridges
come spring what else
will be missing?

*

almost asleep
these hands still kneading
soft dough

*

he talks
and talks and talks and talks
about listening

*

no temple bells
still the crow goes on
about awe, awe

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impossibly, there
is in me enough sky for
these great blue wings

*

in these dark halls
I wander the meadow
unfolding inside me

*

your
blossoming my
blossoming

*

you look so funny said
the goose, as I lurched to
avoid the puddles

*

lost, at last
now I can get on
with my life

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