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Archive for August, 2019

 

 

 

First, you must weigh everything.

Precisely. The butter. The water.

The sugar, the salt. You must

catch the mixture just as it boils,

then add the flour, sifted and weighed.

You must set the timer to dry the dough,

must add the eggs slowly, must not

let it be too dry, too wet.

There’s more, my friends. The angle

of the pastry sleeve, must be 45 degrees.

You need to use the French star tip.

And then, you must not open the oven

lest the steam escapes and the eclairs

don’t crust. So many musts. So many dos.

And still they don’t always turn out.

 

It is not at all the way I love you. Though

sometimes I’ve tried to find the recipe.

Though sometimes I’ve wished it

were as easy as measuring well and using

a timer. I have wanted to do it right.

I have studiously wanted to make yours the best life.

 

But the only way to be a good lover

is to love. It has nothing to do

with following directions. Has

everything to do with the doing.

Like making choux pastry dough

together. Taking turns at the stove.

Reading the directions out loud to each other,

four times. And then watching the dough,

astonished as it goes from slimy to smooth

to something sturdy that shines.

 

 

 

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Things That Return

 

 

 

Boomerangs, of course,

as long as they’re thrown correctly.

Mail with not enough postage.

A genuine smile when walking

down the street. A voice in a canyon.

Summer. Shoulder pads. Scrunchies.

The Jedi. Love, but not always. A bad dream

right after the eyes are closed again.

A yo yo. A dog, most of the time.

Memories. A ball thrown at a wall.

Life, though often transformed.

And the same old mistakes,

yeah, those come back, too.

And this feeling that something,

something important, is missing.

 

 

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There are no barriers for a person with talent and love towards work.

            —Ludwig van Beethoven

 

 

Everyone knows Beethoven

went deaf, could hardly hear

by the time he composed

the Moonlight Sonata.

I think of him sometimes

when I want to believe

in impossible things.

Like great harmony

born out of dead silence.

Like love in full bloom

despite drought.

Like finding a pocket in time.

Like hope, growing like mint.

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Shining

 

inspired by Erik Satie, Gnossienne 1

 

 

let me speak only in starlight

and let me wear only song

teach me to love in a minor key

and let the night

be long

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after Erik Satie’s Gnossienne 2

 

 

for you a song

with no measures

and this tessellating metronome

that ticks only love and slips

into each moment a forever

 

 

 

 

Dear friends,

 

You have perhaps guessed by now that I am doing a whole series of five-line poems on Satie’s Gnossiennes—five lines for the five lines of the staff. And each poem is titled based on the directions he wrote above the staves instructing the musician how to feel the music. There will be quite a few more … they’re really fun.

r

 

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inspired by Gnossienne 2, by Erik Satie

 

 

the way morning sun

touches the sunflower leaf—

you may say that’s not kindness,

it’s just how it is. exactly.

let me love like that

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Letting It Be

 

 

There is a carpenter in me

with an impressive tool belt.

She thinks she can fix everything.

 

Every time there’s a leak in the ducts,

she blames that darn condensation,

and whips out her metallic tape.

 

And when there’s a heart break,

she mumbles something about not meeting code,

then takes note of all the cracks,

 

all the places where it’s falling apart,

and gets to work: cleans up and preps

new concrete to hold things together.

 

I know she’s doing what she knows best,

I know she has good intentions.

But today, while she runs off to seek

 

just the right hammer, just the right nails,

I take those leaky ducts and that broken heart

into the garden and dig potatoes.

 

The soil is cool and slips soft

though my fingers as I sift for yellow fingerlings

and red-skinned Desirees.

 

There is a gardener in me who doesn’t try

to fix anything. She says in a quiet southern drawl,

Sweet thing, bring all that brokenness here

 

and let it walk amongst the sunflowers.

Let it weed the carrots and pick

some calendula bouquets. And nothing

 

gets fixed, but something shifts as I sit

beside unruly mint, its green spears rampant,

its scent so cooling, so sweet.

 

 

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I’m the one who will whoop

amidst polite applause.

I give standing ovations

to the petunias most mornings.

I clap for kingfishers,

otter and moose just

because they are there.

I cheer for sunflowers,

red amanita mushrooms,

the snake making it off the road.

I praise the bell pepper, the squash,

the robin, the owl.

I celebrate the moonless night

and the dark inside the shell.

It’s my talent to find beauty,

to honor, to acclaim.

I revel in petal, pinecone, fall.

May I never lose my enthusiasm,

though it means I’m not edgy,

predictable, a fool.

May I always fall in love with the world

and applaud it: river rock, larkspur,

lichen, hail.

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from Erik Satie’s Gnossienne 2

 

like an almost breeze

like sunshine slanting through

afternoon clouds—

touch me like that

like the rain I’m not sure is there

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It’s just a piece of toast.

Bread. Heat. Butter.

Last season’s apricot jam.

It’s just breakfast. Just

simple carbs and a little fat

so that their brains can

function better, bodies

can move without hunger.

It’s just a few bites

that disappear in moments.

No one looks at the meal tenderly.

No one thinks, oh, my mom

must really love me—

look at the way she spread the butter

so evenly to cover all the bread.

No one thinks, she knows

just how light, just how dark

I like my toast. No, they just eat it

and rush toward the door.

Some part of me is grateful

they take it so for granted,

believing love is as easy

as pushing down a toaster lever,

as simple as saying thanks.

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