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Posts Tagged ‘conversation’


 
 
While all around us the world rushes by, 
our conversation becomes a wide flat rock
in the midst of the river where we can rest
long enough to see not everything
is snarl and torrent, rapid and rush. 
See how the heron lands in the eddy,
how soft moss grows on rocks in the shade.
Holding up all the tumult, the peaceful.
At the edges of chaos, the beautiful. 
This is why, when I call you in the middle 
of the day and you answer, I almost cry. 
Because the timbre of your voice is enough
to land me. I lie on the solid rock of our talk. 
I rest there long enough for my own pulse
to slow, long enough dangle my ankle
into the current and think, yes, 
I can swim again. 

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Every time we pass this spot on the dusty river trail, 
my daughter gazes across the water to the other side, 
shaded by cliffs, where moss grows thick and deep. 
I would love to sleep on that moss, she says, 
as her eyes go gauzy, her voice grows soft.
Living in high desert, as we do, mossy places are few.
As a girl, I had in my bedroom a whole wall covered 
with a mural of a Japanese garden, its gray rocks
mostly covered in green. I, too, dreamed of stepping 
into in a place so lush, so verdant, so alive even rocks 
proved fertile ground. To find that kind of fertility inside me—
inviting what is sensual, vital, to flourish in the barren, 
desiccated places in my heart—that is my new dream. 
But it is not always easy to let in the dark. Not always easy 
to let what is hard in me be broken down so something 
might grow. There are places I long to go with my girl. 
Some are nearby, just across the stream. 
Some, breath close, are much harder to travel to.  
 

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I’ve become the person who talks to avocados.
Oh, look how ripe you are!
The one who talks to dust bunnies under the bed.
Oh, my goodness. How long have you been there?
I’ve become the person who narrates wind as it gusts,
the one who composes out loud while writing poems.
In short, I’m the person who once mystified me.
Does she really think lettuce seeds can hear her?
And I love being this woman who converses with stars,
with shadows, this person who notices feelings that rise
as I move through a day and takes pleasure in greeting them.
Hello shame. I say. Hello fear. Hello embarrassment.
How much easier life is when I join in the big conversation.
Then I am never alone. Not that the bananas talk back.
Neither does the mop. But that doesn’t stop me
from being curious about my connection with all of it—
the stain on the dishtowel, the pond as it melts,
the broken pot, the robin in the yard, the highway trash.
It’s not the talking part I love, but letting my attention
touch everything. Cracked glass. A lost glove. Tire tracks.
Mostly, I love the listening for what isn’t said back.

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your voice on the phone
each word a stepping stone
toward acceptance
 

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that would have been a great time
for me to tell you I love you,
that time when I jabbered on
about the shapes of glasses,
about the weather, the color of the tile

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In the night dark room
we sit together and speak
in tones tender enough
for anything to be said,
even vast things
that frighten us most,
even shimmery things
that surprise us,
and the night is a spindle
that twines the honesty
and courage of our words
into yarn, and trust is a needle
that uses the yarn
to stitch us together
so even when we are apart,
I can tug on one of those stitches
and, from half a country away,
I feel you tugging back.

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There is that moment when,
after tugging and twisting,
the thick rind of the pomegranate
simply splits in half to reveal
the deep red seeds snuggled inside.
That’s what it’s like when you
meet me with your rich laugh
and gentle questions,
and whatever tough skin
I’ve developed cracks and gives,
and though there’s a moment
of shock at the opening,
I’m astonished myself
to see the treasure hiding within—
how could I not have known?
For this we need each other.
There are parts of ourselves
we could never see alone.

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I want to be in the garden
with you again,
hands in the dirt,
maybe listening
to cottonwood leaves
spreading rumors
of fall, but maybe
not even listening.
I want a moment
so mundane, just
pulling bindweed,
nodding and humming absently
as you talk about race cars,
a moment so unmemorable
I forget how damn precious
every single moment is;
I want a moment I take
for granted, want to
be bored or even fussy
standing beside you,
the beets too small
to harvest, your voice
rambling on about pole positions
and pit stop strategies,
and me utterly clueless
I would ever look back
and long to hear you
wax on about balancing fuel loads,
worn tires, soft compounds,
anything, anything at all.
 

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and for hours we drive through clumps
of mountains called ranges, clumps
of cars we call traffic, clumps of homes
 
we call towns. We speak in clumps
called subjects as we laugh in clumps
called laughter tokens. And sometimes
 
we’re silent in a flexible clump called silence.
I think of clumps of grief and clumps of joy,
clumps of celebration and clumps of time
 
when I forgot to wonder what comes next.
How many clumps does it take to screw
in a lightbulb? How many clumps make a day?
 
Something so satisfying about the clump.
Humble as dirt on the roots of a tree. Natural
as tufts of wheatgrass in the field.
 
Creative as a clump of atoms that, when infused
with heat from the sun, become a petunia.
Clumps of words make a sentence. Clumps
 
of notes create song. Clumps of time
build a friendship. And what is peace
but a clump of moments when we choose
 
not to fight? What is age but a clump
of memories? What is love but a clump
of surrenders? What is now but a chance
 
to be alive in this wondrous clump we call our life?

for Art Goodtimes

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today’s poem mentions suicide–I mention this so you can choose if you wish to read it


There’s no easy way to say it.
I told them. Our son died.
They were sitting across
from us, our new neighbors,
afternoon sun streaming
into the room with low spring gold.
Their grandson sat on our floor,
a teaspoon the only toy I had for him.
He mouthed it with quiet joy.
Was it an accident? she asked.
He chose to take his own life, I said.
The words hung in the air
like dust that sparkles
then seems to disappear.
What I did not say:
Once we sat on this couch
and read books, watched Peter Pan,
built pirate forts with pillows, searched
for Waldo and snuggled when it rained.
Once he, too, chewed on my teaspoons,
before he built computers and
took AP Statistics and helped me buy a Ford.
They murmured, I’m sorry,
because that’s what people say
when there is nothing else to say.
I realized I needed nothing more.
When the talk soon turned
to bonfires and building permits,
I did not mind. It was enough
to have acknowledged he was here.
What I did not say, but somehow said:
Just because he’s dead
doesn’t mean he’s gone.
We have three children—
two daughters and a son.
 

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