Just because the moss is exactly
the right color green and the spruce
are spaced just widely enough to let
the sunshine in, just because
the red strawberry leaves and purple
gentian are growing nearby, just because
it rained last night and just because you
have found them here before is no
guarantee that the mushrooms you want
to find are here this time. And they aren’t.
A voice rises in you, “But they should be here,”
and you find yourself arguing with the world.
Disappointment, I suppose, is the mother
of indignation. You could already taste them,
sautéed in butter, hearty and nutty and rich.
The absence feels unfair. You look again,
this time in the field. You look again at the edge
of the woods. You look again in the low grass
on the ridge. And find nothing except
your longing to find something that is not here.
You are still holding the basket, empty
except for two small brown bolete buttons—
they are the perfect size for eating,
only hardly enough to bother with.
Expectation has a bitter taste, one that seems
to only enhance a hunger. There’s a beauty
in noticing this—not that it makes the longing
go away, but somehow you see that this is just
another invitation to want exactly
what is happening—
the empty basket, the growing hunger,
the ground so wet, so full
of potential right beneath your feet.