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How It Feels

 

 

 

Remember that day

when you felt as if

there were two sumo wrestlers

inside your gut? Remember

how they whumped and slammed

each other and your whole body

felt bruised with their weight?

That was the day you said

you would never let yourself

be small ever again. But

here you are, considering

how to cut off your limbs

to fit into someone else’s box.

It’s no mistake you are here.

There is more to learn

and unlearn about who you are

and who you are becoming.

Those sumo wrestlers, they’ll

get tired and when they do,

offer them tea in very small cups.

Ask them where they’ve been so long.

Cheer them on when they finish their sipping,

when they start to fight again

making in you more space

than you’ve ever felt inside before.

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And the Winner Is

I have made of my body a wrestling ring—
in one corner, the defender. She wears
a high turtle neck and her hair in a bun.
She holds up her fists to the world, to anyone
who tries to touch her. On her belt, it says,
I Don’t Need Anything. She fired her trainer
long ago. And she’s staring down the challenger,
who has shown up to the match in a soft
pink dress and bare feet. The challenger
smiles at the champ. It’s a genuine smile.
She holds out a hand to shake, but the
defender glares and starts to circle her. There
is no referee. The challenger, she wants
to be held, to be loved, to share warmth,
and she’s willing to stand in this ring
and take the hits. But after forty some years
of circling each other, they’re both getting tired
and wouldn’t it be something if one day
they took down the ropes and got really curious
about what might happen next. I’d like to think
that ring might become an altar, a place
they might meet and say yes to each other,
a place where everything is offered
and anything might happen.

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