Posts Tagged ‘humor’

want to find him in my kitchen

with his big muscled arms

and his spotless white shirt.

Call me James, he’ll say, as I

pour him a glass of sauvignon blanc.

Then he’ll pull out a permanent marker

and write his name on the glass.

What are you doing? I’ll ask.

When I’m around, there’s a world


of crafty possibilities, he’ll say.

Then he’ll whip out his trusty white magic eraser

and swipe the permanent marker away.

And he’ll give me a spin—

Open for me your oven door.

Oh, James, I’ll say, you don’t mean …


that I will bring my legendary clean

to your oven glass? Why yes, Rosemerry,

I can lift grease buildup from hard to clean places.

He’ll give me a flex. Kitchen sink next?

He’ll swagger across the room. I’ll swoon.

Oh, James. I never knew you’d be so, so, so …


… adept at sticky residue? he’ll suggest,

and I’ll guide his hand to my

faucet. Say good bye to water spots,

he’ll say with a grin, his teeth glistening

like brand new white backsplash tile, like unused linoleum,

and we’ll dance together across the sparkling floor, sponges in hand,

drawn to whatever is dirty. And the room will smell

of meadows and bleach and rain. And oh darling, he’ll say,

don’t you think it’s time you took me to the bath?

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