Posts Tagged ‘bus’

Hello, Fear

How does she do it? She hitches a ride on the blow, a stowaway on that which brings her down.

            —Teddy Macker, “The Mosquito Among the Raindrops”

There I was, making tea in my kitchen,
when fear hit me like a school bus.
I didn’t need a scientist or therapist
to tell me it hurt.
I screamed: Arghh! I shouted: No!
But after smashing into me, 
fear just opened the folding glass door
of the bus, yanked me on,
then plopped me into a green vinyl seat.

I’m scared, I said.
Yeah, fear said. ’Cause I’m scary.

Yeah, I squealed, as the bus careened
through the couch, through
my bedroom, through the splintering
dining room table.

What if I lose everything? I said to fear.
Yeah, said fear, what if you do?

And who will I be when everything changes?
Yeah, said fear, who will you be?

Then he opened the door
and shoved me off the bus
and I was standing again beside
the familiar green counter,
tea cup in hand, not a drop spilled.

Who will you be? he shouted
from the half open window.

I took a deep breath,
not knowing how to respond,
then stepped into my life,
determined to live into the answer.  

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The Worrier Goes for a Ride




And then, as I was walking the dirt road,

it hit me like a school bus: people

might not like me. I felt the rush of air before

the bumper connected with my butt, and knew

in that moment I could choose to be flattened or

choose to somehow crawl into that bus

and ride along with the jeers and snarls and sneers.

Okay, I said, as I clawed my way around the yellow fender

to the open door, a stowaway on my fear.

I climbed the green stairs and felt their stares:

icy, cruel, fierce. Others indifferent, bored.

I stared back, prepared to feel small.

Hello, I said, waiting for shame. But

that’s not what I felt at all. Instead,

some seed of awareness that I was not splattered

by fear but alive, and now moving in one direction

with this busload of what frightened me so,

And I was not flattened nor crushed nor bruised.

I took my seat. Felt their eyes on my back.

And the bus kept driving along. When it stopped,

I stepped off, surprisingly whole.

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