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Posts Tagged ‘connection’


 
 
The way a robin or oriole
might weave string or yarn
into its nest to create integrity
or an anchor, that is the way
I weave an imaginary red ribbon 
through each square
on the zoom screen. 
My friend has just invoked 
a Japanese legend
about how we are all connected
by a red thread, and though 
I have not heard this legend before, 
I can imagine a deep crimson stitching 
moving even now through all 
of our backgrounds,
making of this gathering 
a most wondrous nest, 
a sturdy place made of wet poems
and fresh music, song and mess, 
a durable creation in which we might
all rest, a sturdy, safe place
to find spaciousness.
 

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One in the Dark

driving straight toward the lightning—

did you think I’d forgotten about you?

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In the Noticing

Quiet as a rabbit
nibbling on grass, 
obvious as a flicker
knocking on a tree, 

surprising as a white feather
landing on my tights,
again and again, 
you appear, or more truly, 

again and again,
I see what has 
always been here—
you in everything,

your absence 
throbbing with life.

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When we met,
we had no idea
how we all, like
this land, carry 
inside us 
the memory 
of volcano
and glacier.
How easily we
can be fooled 
by the present
landscape, 
calm and serene.
Just because
there are spruce 
here now and 
gentle streams
doesn’t mean 
there wasn’t once
a violent explosion
of fire and ash, 
a long and cold 
scraping of ice. 
Here in the aftermath
of upheaval,
in this ongoing story
of transformation,
I see how our hearts 
have been carved wide 
as this high alpine 
basin, and even
in the places where 
nothing yet grows,
my god, it’s 
so beautiful.

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Kinship


                  after Jane Hirshfield
 
 
Oh look, I say to the cat
You have a soup belly. 
I jiggle and wiggle her soft, floppy middle.
She does not love it.
I get it, I say to her. Sometimes
I don’t want to be touched either.
More truly, I do want to be touched, 
but only in the way I want to be touched. 
The cat holds her paws midair, frozen there, 
as if not yet sure if to attack or relax.
She chooses relax. I choose 
to massage between her ears.
She nuzzles her small skull into my palm.
I know, I say to the cat. I miss her, too. 
We both know she’d rather be with my daughter.
We both feel the absence here. 
We sit a long time like this, the cat nuzzling, 
me dragging my fingertips forward and back, 
forward and back.
With her body, she shows me
just where and how much to touch her.
When I move to rise, she lashes out with a claw 
to keep me in place beside her.
In this way, I study my life. 
How to hold. How to let go. 
Loneliness wears a haunting perfume,
resinous, sweet, full of laughter
and silence. What a gift, I say to the cat, 
to miss her together. 
I cross the room. The cat follows to where I sit next. 
Later, she leads me to her bowl. I follow. 

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The language of grief is silence. 
—Maggie Anderson, “What Grief Does”
 
No one can translate the language of grief.
No verbs properly express how it collapses
past, present and future into a single tense
in which all becomes unswimmable wave
and at the same time immovable stone. 
No way to explain how in my grief lexicon 
the word cello can only be spoken in sob. 
How the single word shadow is somehow 
an entire prayer, equal parts praise and lament. 
How there are as many translations for loss 
as there are losses, and each phrase mutates 
into infinite local dialects spoken fluently only 
by the individual who grieves. So perhaps 
it is true, the language of grief is silence—
a mother tongue we are all gifted from birth. 
Though sometimes the language of grief is wail. 
Sometimes sniffle. Howl. Murmur. Hum. 
So different, this language, for everyone. 
And every moment, a new nuance unfolds. 
It’s a wonder we understand each other at all. 
Except we do. We share it, this language 
we can’t possibly translate and yet we know its
expressions by heart. For this, we offer each other 
our ears, knowing full well we can never 
wholly understand, knowing full well it matters 
that we listen anyway to gurgle, moan, silence, cry.

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so grateful to share 
it with you—
this loneliness

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The woman sits on the bench
in the field of clover and watches
the bumblebees clamber
 
from flower to flower. What goes on 
goes on all around her. Something
inside her is infinitely still. 
 
It invites her to enter. 
In this moment, 
everything is door.
 
She is both clover and bee, 
both air and wings.
She is what is still
 
and all that is moving. 
Is one who is sung
and one who sings. 

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The woman in 7D reads me an essay
she wrote for her husband in 7E
about how they first met at a party
 
when his hair was dark and thick. 
He is bald now. She is gray, as am I, 
but in those moments before take off
 
we three thrum with the thrill of that first 
uncertain glimpse, and I enter the Hollywood  
party with them, him in yellow suspenders, 
 
her riding high on recent success. 
They were strangers twenty minutes ago, 
but now I am cheering for them—
 
for the people they were almost forty years ago 
as they went out for coffee, then talked 
through the night. Cheering, too, for who 
 
they are now, no longer strangers, but Ellen and Bruce, 
a writer and retired architect, who will likely 
never remember meeting the woman in 7F, 
 
but for tonight, something unspeakably lovely 
happens as we fly over Chicago and Detroit
and we are woven into each other’s lives 
 
for a few hours, a momentary plot full of laughter,
tenderness, and a spontaneous, shimmering joy, 
while all around us the world goes dark. 

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It’s because to try to describe this feeling is 
to render it instantly dull, flat. 
It’s like when you see a rock on the bottom
of the river—all shimmering and bright—
but the moment you bring it to the air
to share it, what seemed precious 
becomes cloudy, mundane, a dumb lump,
the stuff of filler in a suburban parking lot.
 
And so you learn to be quiet, to let your syllables 
float away like dry leaves. What is heaviest 
stays. Does not wash away. Is polished by friction, years. 
Sometimes you meet others in the river. What shines 
shines. Together you stare, stunned by the damn beauty. 
Maybe you hold hands. Watch the light as it plays.

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The way my grandmother tended 
to her daylilies, that is the way
I want to attune to your words—
knowing how each utterance blooms
only briefly, but when cared for,
the plant itself is hardy, long lasting,
abundant, able to survive both
heat and chill, both loam and clay. 
Come love, whisper to me. 
I cherish every petal. And when
there is no bloom, I have learned 
water and fertilize anyway, to honor
the place where the bloom will be.  

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At the Table of Loss

As many chairs
as humans.
No way to refuse 
what we are served.
We choke on 
the courses.
How is it they
nourish us?
Beneath the table, 
we hold hands.

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Trust is a porcupine
sitting on the highway
in the middle of the night
not bothering to raise 
even one of his
thirty-thousand quills,
choosing instead to look
right into the oncoming 
traffic, the shine 
of a direct gaze 
more effective 
communication
than any sharpness, 
any barb.
 

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                  for Moudi and Taylor
 
 
Starting the long drive home,
I do not turn on the radio
to hear news of the broken world.
My father taught me every broken thing,
from coolers to car doors to roofs,
could be fixed with silver duct tape,
at least for a while.
How big would the roll have to be, 
America? On the seat beside me, 
a green and white striped bag
is filled with hummus and cheesy crackers,
chocolates filled with coconut and pistachio,
oat protein bars, dried mango strips
plus a small baggie of pretzel twists,
a road-food care package my friends 
prepared for me in the middle of the night
so it would be on the counter waiting for me 
to find when I left their home at dawn. 
Perhaps kindness is a kind of duct tape—
which is to say it doesn’t actually fix things,
but it does help us go on. What is broken
is still broken, but I can taste the adhesion 
in the coffee they ground for me last night
so I could be awake for this morning’s drive—
hints of cinnamon, dark chocolate, toffee, 
love. I feel how their kindness holds me together 
this morning. How sticky it is, the message 
they wrote for me in sand: you are loved.
The message will fade, but as the world 
goes on breaking, I feel surrounded 
by their kindness all the way home.
 

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While all around us the world rushes by, 
our conversation becomes a wide flat rock
in the midst of the river where we can rest
long enough to see not everything
is snarl and torrent, rapid and rush. 
See how the heron lands in the eddy,
how soft moss grows on rocks in the shade.
Holding up all the tumult, the peaceful.
At the edges of chaos, the beautiful. 
This is why, when I call you in the middle 
of the day and you answer, I almost cry. 
Because the timbre of your voice is enough
to land me. I lie on the solid rock of our talk. 
I rest there long enough for my own pulse
to slow, long enough dangle my ankle
into the current and think, yes, 
I can swim again. 

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Wini weeps as she tells me “everyone is so broken,” 
and a small shrine appears in the tear on her cheek.
I kneel inside it as it slips to her chin.
My throat clenches, my own heart widens,
enlivened by how deeply Wini cares, 
and somehow her heartache begins to mend 
my own grief for this cruel and callous world.
More than any beauty. More than the uplifting song 
of the red wing black bird trilling through the open window.
More than the scent of basil and lemon. 
More than the dark silhouette of two herons winging 
through the nectarine sunset. Wini’s tears heal me. 
Shared ache becomes its own medicine. 
No. Not the ache. The medicine is in the love that fuels 
the ache. It feels so right, I forget to wish it didn’t hurt.

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    with thanks to James Crews
 
 
My friend James calls it the rough blessing,
the blessing that rubs, that chafes,
that scrapes. Perhaps I wanted blessings
to only feel good, to be gentle. But the word itself
comes from the practice of sprinkling blood
on an altar. Why should I be surprised when
the blood for the rite is my own? I am thinking
of how today when I was hemorrhaging fear,
my friend comforted me when I called her in tears.
I felt so loved when she listened and soothed.
Such luminous intimacy grew from my wound.
Oh, ache of being human. Oh, the blessing.

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Inspired by Camille Claudel’s sculpture “The Wave”
 
Almost like a fist
the great wave of war
rises now, arching,
all froth and force,
and in the single instant
before the crash,
before our demise is cast
in onyx or bronze,
before everything
we’ve made is smashed
like plaster on the floor,
this chance to conceive
the world as it could be,
the chance to take
each other’s hands
and hold them fast
so the terrible wave
can’t separate us.
The wave will break.
We will be towed and tossed.
My friends, it matters
that we stay together.
 
to see this sculpture, visit here

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One Garden


 
 
I am no longer surprised
when strange, exotic
blooms appear in my mind,
knowing now how seeds
arrive on the wind from everywhere.
Now, I am less likely to label
something weed simply because
I didn’t plant it myself.
At the same time, I want
to be discerning, knowing
whatever I choose to grow might
appear soon in the soil of you,
so I am cautious when sowing
bulbs of anger, saplings of judgment,
thorns of certainty.
I want us all to plant great beds
of unanswerable questions
and tend the mystery together.
How else might it change
what these hands do when I
trust every choice matters?

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I’ve become the person who talks to avocados.
Oh, look how ripe you are!
The one who talks to dust bunnies under the bed.
Oh, my goodness. How long have you been there?
I’ve become the person who narrates wind as it gusts,
the one who composes out loud while writing poems.
In short, I’m the person who once mystified me.
Does she really think lettuce seeds can hear her?
And I love being this woman who converses with stars,
with shadows, this person who notices feelings that rise
as I move through a day and takes pleasure in greeting them.
Hello shame. I say. Hello fear. Hello embarrassment.
How much easier life is when I join in the big conversation.
Then I am never alone. Not that the bananas talk back.
Neither does the mop. But that doesn’t stop me
from being curious about my connection with all of it—
the stain on the dishtowel, the pond as it melts,
the broken pot, the robin in the yard, the highway trash.
It’s not the talking part I love, but letting my attention
touch everything. Cracked glass. A lost glove. Tire tracks.
Mostly, I love the listening for what isn’t said back.

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