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There is a secret music
that hides inside each yes.
At first we think we know
the tune. Heck, we might
even think we wrote it.
But soon, after yessing,
we learn there is a much
grander score than we ever
might have guessed,
and now we hear how
just one yes,
plucked like a string,
creates harmonies
and dissonances
and asks us to listen again,
not for what we think we hear,
but for everything else—
the soundtrack of the infinite after,
Perhaps you notice it, too,
how the masterpiece
needs you. How each note
informs the song forever.

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            a musing on Bloomsday, June 16


That was the first time
I fully understood
the sway of yes—
how what Joyce called
“the female word”
could seduce, could affirm,
could acquiesce,
could mountain flower,
could undress a grown man,
could slowly caress
others’ tenderest parts,
could trespass like perfume,
could rewrite the past.
Joyce said it signaled
“the end of all resistance,”
and I who tried
to be good, to be tame,
to do right, read Molly
and lusted to be
the one in the red yes
who lives with abandon
and recklessness,
and yes, I thought, yes
I could live into yes,
I slipped into the word
like a silken digression,
and thirty years later,
I still dream in yes,
my heart beating mad,
a riotous clash
when I yes, pulse with yes
did it enter you, too,
this radiant yes,
beating yes,
oh this yes.

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I Bless Every Yes I Said




There were nights when my son
would come to me late, like midnight,
and say, Mom, come on, let’s go drive.
And though I was tired, and though I knew
the canyon roads would make my stomach turn,
I’d say yes, because I was glad he’d ask,
and we’d get in the Ford and I’d feel the thrill
as it flooded him each time he’d sit at the wheel.
The night was our cathedral.
And we’d talk, or we wouldn’t, and he’d drive
us up to the top of the Dallas Divide.
I’d feel like heaving my guts every time. But damn,
how I loved those nights. The hymn of the wheels.
His smile. His laugh. The quiet canticle of breath.
No matter what choices came later,
I have those times he steered toward joy,
Those nights when we were so alive
and we’d drive, just drive.

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Getting to Yes




Today yes is letting
my hands hang limp—
though it’s less
that I choose to not use them,
more that life insists.
Yes has lost its leaves.
Yes wears no shoes.
Yes is a winding road
with no guard rails,
no pull outs, no passing lane.
Yes feels like one leg extended
over a high desert cliff,
the other about to join it midair.
It tastes like black tea
steeped too long
with no milk.
It tastes like the meal
I didn’t order,
but was served
and told to eat.
Yes is the song
with a one-word lyric
that now I can only hum.
And if yes is a drum,
I stumble along.
And if yes says
Square your shoulders,
the best I can do today is be cloud.
The best I can do today is rain.

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One Indestructible

 

 

just when the sledgehammer of no

takes its best shot,

finding in me an invincible yes

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When It Comes to Ideas

 

 

 

I am perhaps like the mama sheep

who rejects the lamb that is not her own—

snorts at it, won’t let it suckle,

shoves it away with her nose.

Though her own lamb was born lifeless,

though her teats are full to leaking,

she will have nothing to do with the alien.

It’s not the lamb’s fault it has the wrong scent,

just as it’s not the idea’s fault it was born

in another’s mind. It’s likely a good idea,

just needing a bit of nourishment.

 

But there are skilled herders who know the art

of grafting, who make of the dead lamb’s skin

a jacket and wrap it around the alien lamb,

tricking the ewe into taking it on as her own.

Then it’s a matter of bonding.

 

Don’t think I didn’t see you as you stripped the skin.

Don’t think I’m unaware of what you’ve done.

The truth is, I wanted to foster it, to claim it

as my own, to see it frolic in these fields of sage.

I was made for nurturing. It’s just that loss is difficult.

It’s just that sometimes it’s hard to say yes.

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Positively

 

 

 

Saying yes to too many things at once

is like eating dark chocolate truffles one

after another after another. The first

 

is infused with wild raspberry, which leads

to a caramel truffle with fleur de sel, which leads

to two smooth champagne truffles, which leads

 

to a tummy ache, bittersweet. My calendar

has a tummy ache. Its numbered squares

are filled in with rows of rich invitations…

 

a book club infused with Louise Erdrich

and Sauvignon Blanc, a meditation retreat

handcrafted with extra silence, a trail run

 

through aspen groves filled with silky light.

How could I pass on any of these delights?

Saying yes to too many things at once

 

is like crossing a remote border at midnight,

and though your pulse races with the thrill,

you have no idea if you will ever know

 

what home means again. Saying yes

to too many things at once is in fact

a disguise for saying no. No to openness,

 

no to spontaneity, no to whatever surprise

might have found its way into the vacant

possibility of that deliciously empty square.

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Could be you feel

like a tiny bird

flapping hard, hard

as you can

into the wind.

Though there

is no sign that says

Dead End,

you are not going

anywhere and can’t

imagine you ever will.

Could be

all that fluttering

exhausts you

until

you stop all that trying

and turn away

from whatever it is

you think

you are flying toward.

And then

perhaps

you understand—

not with your head,

with your whole being—

that wherever the wind

is going to go

it will go. Could be

you find yourself

saying yes to the wind,

the same wind,

you know this, that fills

your lungs.

Could be that it

is so beautiful,

this new kind of flying,

that you forget

to be frightened

that you do not know

what will happen next.

Could be you’ve never

been quite so aware

how infinite

the sky.

 

 

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Looking for something great to read? Drew Myron has a fabulous site, Push Pull Books, and she polls artistic folks about what they’re reading on a certain topic … the theme she gave me, aptly, was “yes.” I had a great time reading the other themes and book recommendations … thanks, Drew, what fun!

You can read my three top picks at her site here.

I’ll just say here that the other book I would have put on the list is “Don’t Think of an Elephant,” by George Lakoff, which among other things explains cognitive research around why it is so important to frame things positively.

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You are my blizzard, my tempest, my hail,
you my cloudless sky.
I learn to say yes to your everywhere
and yes to your nowhere.
Yes to your hawk, your sparrow.
Yes to your desert, your orchards of plums
ripe and fat with sweetness.
Yes to your knives and yes to your blossoms.
Yes to your silence, yes to your growl.
Yes to the part of me that says no.
Yes to the fear of yes.
Yes to your flash flood, yes to your drought.
Yes to the angry red ache and yes to infinite tenderness.
Yes to the walls and the walls falling down.
Yes to the prison, the skeleton key.
Yes to you, yes, I say yes, yes again,
yes to your killing frost,
yes to your warm morning after.

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