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Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

 (with thanks to Rebecca Mullen)

 

The way the tangerine never thinks

to thank its peel, the way the button

doesn’t appreciate the thread

that tethers it, the way the water

doesn’t honor the shore

for encompassing it, this is the way I want

you to take me for granted. As if

I will always be here to hold you. As if

you are so safe you forget

that things change. As if you are so sure

of my love that it’s as assumed

as air, as unremarkable as birdsong

in summer, as given as the gravity

that keeps you from floating away,

as constant as the sound of the river

that you need to leave before

you remember to hear it again.

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“We all make mistakes,” I say.
I know she hears me.
I look out the window.

From under the quilt,
she says nothing.
Only her eye is visible

through a fold. I catch it,
then look at the leafless cottonwood.
Somewhere, a dog

is barking. Somewhere,
the scent of almond.
“And then,” I say, “we have

a chance to learn.”
The snow in the yard
flashes against the low sun.

A robin finds a spot
where spring is stealing in,
the grass already greening

between the porch and the snow.
“And sometimes,” I say,
“our mistakes hurt other people.”

In the other room, the sound
of a timer. The sound of
a sponge running over

the nap of the couch.
“And if we hurt someone,” I say,
“it can be important to tell them

we are sorry. But only,” I say,
“when we really are sorry.”
I look out the window,

wanting to notice something
instead of my own quiet hands.
My hands smooth the quilt

where her small hip rises.
I say, “We don’t always know
why we do what we do.”

The timer again. Scent
of almond. Scent of butter.
I say, “Mommy makes

mistakes, too.” I watch
the words as they leave
my mouth and land on the walls,

the quilt, the sill.
A dog barks. Again.
Sharp bleat of the timer.

I close my eyes. Neither
of us moves. Inside me
a door opens. I feel what’s left

of my anger leave with a limp.
“Do you want to ask me anything?”
I say. Slowly, she pulls the cover

away. Her face is soft, guileless
as fruit on a tree. She says
nothing, but perhaps I hear

in her the sound of a door opening.

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Gravity Tanka

only after
my own arms
relaxed
did I feel how I am
so gently being held

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my daughter
and I, two small points
beneath a sky
of infinite small
bright points

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