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Archive for August, 2011

Inquiry

Worried, I loosed
a thousand
black butterflies
inside the dark
of my worry,
which, it turns
out, is in my belly.
I know because
of the fluttering there,
the fritillary battering
of my gut with dark
aimless wings.
I brought the mass of them
mushroom hunting and
a while saw nothing

no fungi, no flowers,
not even the children
who hung on me.
And then I asked myself
what is here? And
aprons of chanterelles
began to appear. And
orange butterflies. Pink
queen’s crown blooming
on succulent leaves.
Spruce trees. The scent
of autumn in the yellowing
corn lilies. There were
no black butterflies anywhere.
What is real? I asked
the woman who is me,
and she said nothing
but bent over, intent
on tasting a tiny, wild strawberry.

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Eating the Peach


I had to keep at it. Had to get things done. And everything, it seemed, needed doing at once.
—Karen Chamberlain, “Desert of the Heart”

In the dappled light, in the heavy air
before the noontime summer storm,
peaches hang beneath leafy boughs

and a woman walks alone among them,
moving from one bright globe to another.
They are ripe, the Glohavens, swollen

and soft, and in the woman a fierce joy rises
and surges and takes her by surprise. She
has come here with a goal in mind—

to pick quickly two boxes for freezing and jam.
Her list of to do today is long—she is
moving from one home to another.

Says Basho, The journey itself is home,
but she is not traveling light. Six hundred
pounds of peaches to sell. A large garden

harvest to be processed and stored.
Books, of course, her bread baskets, clay ovens,
canning pots, jars, tea. Two children.

Files. Boxes of toys. She’s been
rushing all morning in an effort
to beat the storm. And so it is that

she finds herself here in the rows
where the Glohavens flash and glance
through the green, and for a few moments

the work disappears and she sheds every
part of herself that is not hand nor tongue nor nose.
Peaches, she eats them as if she’s an animal,

tears with her teeth to get through the skin.
She crams her mouth with sweet sticky flesh,
and fills it and fills it again. She feeds a rare

hunger that can truly be fed, and in a few minutes
she’s satisfied. She stands in the shade, hums, smiles,
licks her juice-glazed hands. Fuzz irritates

her chin. What is she doing here? She forgets.
Oh yes. Fill the boxes for freezing and jam
in the dappled light in the heavy air

before the noontime summer storm.

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And Still Love You

I have wanted to love you
in the way of the sun—
constant. Radiant. Warm.
Here whenever you turn
toward me. Here when you
turn away. Give you my energy.
Light whichever path you choose.
Now I will do what the sun
can’t do. Let you go.

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Sky Practice

Inside me, two birds
with silver wings beat frantic time
against the cage—

I expand and collapse,
expand, collapse,
but the bars don’t break

perhaps I can make
just enough space to fly out—
their wings are so, so tired.

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tanka

I think it says something
about our personalities
he said as I refused
the nicest peach
and reached for one with pecks.

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How it Happens

This flower of self really has to lose all its petals, it really has to drop away before the next movement starts to happen.
—Adyashanti, Spontaneous Awakening

At first I tried to keep them attached,
then tried to tear them off,
these petals of self.

Sweet flower, said Rumi,
Be still. The petals fall
as it’s time for them to fall.

But, I said, shouldn’t I DO
something? He smiled,
and pointed to the darkening

sky where hail was forming
in the afternoon clouds.

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That line I drew
and dared not cross
became, I thought, a noose, a snare.
I have to laugh.
It was a path.

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Not Empty Yet Tanka

The shape of my shadow
surprises me—
after all this shedding
I somehow thought
the sun would shine right through

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Even Now

It’s like chicken pox,
or the flu, or a cold,
only better, the way
that it catches when
someone suggests
that no matter how
stiff, how tired, how
down we might be,
the days are alive
and open to loving
and inside some small
voice, perhaps very,
very small, says, yes,
and the loving does
what loving does,
contagious and sure,
makes it all seem so
very easy, inevitable,
passed on and passed on.

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As the Eyes Are Closing

This is no time
for listening to dharma,
even though the talk
is of waking up.
All quiet tones
regardless of content
will be heard as
lulling silks.
Open the window.
Of course.
And if that doesn’t work,
scratch. One hand
steers, the other
hand grazes your
arms, your neck, your lower back.
And whatever you do,
don’t get caught up
in watching the rising moon
in the rear view mirror.
Eyes on the road. Eyes
on the road. Pray.
Make small goals
when the destination
is still two hours away.
And when you have
quite scared yourself, stop.
Turn off the car and get out.
Breathe in the night,
the distant stars, the wind
as it unsettles the roadside
trash. Walk and raise
your arms in the universal
sign of surrender.
Now go back to
your seat, insert the key,
and hold the wheel
as if your life
depended on it,
with two steadying,
too human hands.

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