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Archive for June, 2012

Finn comes in, hands cupped
and asks me for a jar. What for?
I ask, and he lets me peek between

his palms to see the butterfly.
He is all aglow with the catching of it,
and I do not try to hide my regret.

Let it go, I say, it will be so much happier, love.
No, he shouts, and looks about
for a jar since I won’t help him out.

Please Finn, I say, let it go,
but he is intent on keeping
what is beautiful. He pokes holes

in the lid so the admiral can breathe,
gives it a yellow salsify and insists
that it’s sipping nectar. The butterfly,

all violent wing, flaps a long time before
settling beside the pretty weed.
Finn stares in the jar at his butterfly.

It is pure, his admiration for the
loveliness he sees, so pure that I squeeze him
tight, too tight perhaps, my arms

around the place he would have wings.

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Perhaps
I thought
by leaning
into loss,
it would become
more comfortable.
But it is like
overripe apricots.
There is no
managing,
no pretending,
no way
to make
it anything
but what
it is.
They are overripe.
Nothing
to be done
about a gift
like that
except to walk
the rows
and gather
the sunwarmed
flesh, bruised
and soft,
and eat it until
you can’t
eat another
sweet bite,
then gather
the fruit
to freeze
until the freezer
will hold no more
and then
when the orchard
floor is still
mottled with
fruit on the edge
of moldering,
know there
is really
nothing
to be done,
and though
it is uncomfortable
stop naming
this experience
loss and
start leaning
into what is,
the only
place
we can
rest.

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Moth

You are nothing but materials for burning
—Dorothy Walters

I wanted to be
somebody, not
just somebody
but somebody
wonderful and
preferably thin.
I wanted to be
somebody loved
and loving, someone
worth listening to,
someone fun, and
for forty two years
I built her into
a me, but she
is just a heap
of labels, a pile
of shoulds, a
list of pretty knowns
and fueling the one
who wants, there
is the one who is.

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When they ask you what you’re thinking of, say love.
–The Avett Brothers

It is messy,
this readying
cherries,
dark skin
resists
to give
up the pit
and the flesh
it drips
and the juice
it stains
and isn’t
this a bit
like love,
my ripe heart
beating
as if
to escape
my own
dark skin.
It is messy
this preparation.

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in the head, a clang,
gong, clash and bang, while in the yard
one bird chirps

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ripe apricots
heavy with sweetness
strewn around
the orchard floor this calm
morning after the wind storm

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Pin Up Haiku

yellow butterfly
so beautiful, wings spread
so dead

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Contemplating the unattractive nature of the body debilitates sensual lust, the first of the five hindrances … By mentally dissecting the body into its organs, tissues and fluids, we see that “the mark of the beautiful” that fuels sensual desire is merely a subjective projection superimposed on a collection of unappealing parts.
—Bhikkhu Bodhi, “The Four Protective Meditations,” Tricycle, Summer 2012

My dear, the Buddhist monk could not have known
when he suggests my mind dissect your parts
how beautiful your lungs, medulla, bones.

Such gold streams through your bile ducts! I’d clone
your pineal gland. Your thymus is fine art.
My dear, the Buddhist monk could not have known

the curve of your amygdale, how toned
your cerebellum, spleen so red so dark,
how beautiful your pancreas, your bones.

I’d make mosaics of your kidney stones
and build an altar for your muscled heart.
My dear, the Buddhist monk could not have known

how all your parts appeal so. I’ve grown
to love your splanchnopleura, liver marks,
your beautiful esophagus, your bones,

your hypothalamus, untamed hormones.
My favorite? Man, I don’t know where to start.
I’m sure that Buddhist monk could not have known
how beautiful your ganglions, your bones.

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How’s the dissolution going? –Joi Sharp

Flatten me.
Shuck me.
Dissolve
and melt me.
Disperse me
in the air.

Scatter me.
Shatter me.
Fling and
unmatter me.
Shred, slough,
shear, split, tear.

Loose me.
Reduce me.
Erase and
untether the
small self
who compares.

Help me
abandon
any hope
I’ll ever
arrive
somewhere.

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Sometimes midsummer the body
simply refuses to go inside. Though
reason would say to hide from the sun
midday, the body goes out anyway
to the garden, the orchard, the river,
the field and gathers warmth, as if
it could store this wealth of light, as if
one winter night it might from some fold
of pallid skin produce a secret radiant skein,
something fulsomely warm still smack
with peonies and wild mustard scent,
something not bitter and not at all slant
that we might wrap our shivering bodies in,
oh wheeling swallows, oh sun so high.

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