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Archive for August, 2025

Some of the Stories

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on August 4, 2025| 11 Comments »

 
 
It all serves.
                  —Joi Sharp
 
 
Strange, perhaps, this path
to learn to love myself—
throwing back Mad Dog 20/20
in a raucous backyard party.
Letting college boys touch me
just to feel wanted for a night.
The journals I kept to calculate
how many calories in a bowl of All Bran  
a banana muffin, a cucumber, a plum.
I don’t know why I had to date
that man who took what I
did not want to give. Why
I became quiet, quieter still.
I don’t know why I told that lie.
Don’t know why I couldn’t contain
my anger that one morning. Don’t know
why I said yes when I meant no.
But I do know I am the sum
of all these stories, and maybe
I had to go through self-loathing
before I could practice self-love.
I know all those choices brought me here
to this garden in late summer
where, despite a lack of rain,
the nasturtiums are thriving
like tiny orange teachers in how to be soft.
There is a love so much greater than I am
that guides me to wrap the arms of my heart
around all the younger versions of myself
as if they are my children, helping me trust
there is nothing they could do
that would make them unlovable,
even when their actions caused pain.
Look, I say to my past, to myself. The roses
I thought were dead are blooming.
Things grow in the most surprising ways.
Soon, there will be sunflowers.
 

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For When I Am Hard on Myself

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , on August 4, 2025| 3 Comments »


 
If you can soften your body, your heart can settle, and if your heart can settle your mind can listen.
—Augusta Kantra
 
 
When you are full of self-regret and turn
your fists on your own heart, I hope you will
recall that summer afternoon when you
dove headlong in the pond and floated there
until your fingers pruned, until hard thoughts
were soft as milkweed down, until you were
a gentle thing without a thorn, until
you were the song of birds and frogs and dusk …
 
I know how shame and not-enoughness turn
us on ourselves. And that is why I plant
this seed of memory. When shame shows up,
remember, self, you float. Remember, you
can soften. Love, like water, gentles us.
Such gentleness is how we learn to listen.

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The Chosen

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , on August 2, 2025| 3 Comments »


 
 
You hear how this one is dull, she said,
as she knocked on the melon.
I rapped the green skin and nodded.
Now, she said, try this one.
I knocked and heard the brightness.
Vibrant, she said. Vibrant, I agreed.
She picked it up and handed the melon
to me. This one, she said. Choose this one.
 
Tonight, I imagine some great hand
coming to knock on my chest, rapping
just above my heart, testing me
to see if I am one worth choosing.
I’m surprised by the prayer that arrives.
Choose us all, please, choose us all.

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After a Day in the Garden

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , on August 1, 2025| 4 Comments »


 
If we are made of light,
we are also made of dark.
Like the marigolds I transplanted
today. Their leaves reach toward sun
at the same time all those thin,
thin roots reach down, down
into the earth.
Green, I say to myself.
Green is who I am. Green
is what happens when
light meets dark. Green
is daring to live in two
opposite worlds at once,
it’s knowing full body
how deeply those two worlds
need each other.
I say it not as a fact,
but as a way to wake myself up.
Green. It tastes clean in my mouth.
Like something beautiful.
Someone about to bloom.
 

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The Broken Heart Goes Dancing

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , on August 1, 2025| 2 Comments »

About a year after the death of our son, my husband and I were invited to use the tickets some friends had bought to go to see The Infamous Stringdusters. It was so hard to say yes. Sometimes just walking out the door felt like too much. But oh, we were so glad we did. The music and energy and creativity and dancing reminded us why we were grateful to still be alive.

“The Broken Heart Goes Dancing” is the eighth track on RISKING LOVE, a spoken-word album collaboration with musician Steve Law that explores how we might fall more deeply in love with the world as it is, even when that seems impossible. This fun video is made by the amazing Holiday Mathis. Please share it. We made this for you! 

To purchase RISKING LOVE, visit here.
Spotify: here
Deezer: here
Pandora: here
Apple Music: here
YouTube Music: here

Video and Audio Releases from RISKING LOVE to Date
Safety Net
The Precious Matter of Love
I Want an Interlude with Mr. Clean
Into the Questions
For the One Who Is Gone
In Case You Don’t Know Already
The Long Marriage
The Broken Heart Goes Dancing

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