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Posts Tagged ‘freedom’

So busy watching my feet
move over the small stones,
dried leaves, paths of ants,
it is a long time before
I see the birds.

*

What is it I am circling?
What is this longing
to name it?

*

The slats of shadow
and light only look
like prisons.
We slide through the bars
like song.

*

The bell does not ring
when we call it bell. It rings
with the playing of it.

*

And what is playing me,
this too-solid bell of a
flesh called woman,
Hollow me, I am
diligently practicing
my one note
in the symphony.

*

All these obstacles,
and still
the unspiraling line.

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This rope of love
I tied in knots
without knowing
how to untie them.

Knot after knot,
I tied a net
for catching
myself, all the while

longing for freedom.
Why do we play
such games—
one hand open

in prayer, begging
for one thing,
the other hand working
as fast as it can

for the opposite.
You know the old
magician’s trick
when he produces

from his pocket
a knotted rope,
mumbles some magic,
and with his words

all the knots fall out.
Ta da! Well, it was not fast like that,
but slowly and quietly
and one by one

with both hands
open and by some
miracle all the knots came
undone and I

am falling, falling
through the threads
I thought would save me,
falling into the stark

between the stars,
falling through
the fragrance of laughter
and the silence

after that.

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Finn comes in, hands cupped
and asks me for a jar. What for?
I ask, and he lets me peek between

his palms to see the butterfly.
He is all aglow with the catching of it,
and I do not try to hide my regret.

Let it go, I say, it will be so much happier, love.
No, he shouts, and looks about
for a jar since I won’t help him out.

Please Finn, I say, let it go,
but he is intent on keeping
what is beautiful. He pokes holes

in the lid so the admiral can breathe,
gives it a yellow salsify and insists
that it’s sipping nectar. The butterfly,

all violent wing, flaps a long time before
settling beside the pretty weed.
Finn stares in the jar at his butterfly.

It is pure, his admiration for the
loveliness he sees, so pure that I squeeze him
tight, too tight perhaps, my arms

around the place he would have wings.

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That rock that we
have been pushing up
the hill—that one

that keeps rolling back down
and we keep pushing
back up—what if

we stopped? We are not
Sisyphus. This rock
is not a punishment.

It’s something we’ve chosen
to push. Who knows why.
I look at all the names

we once carved into
its sedimentary sides.
How important

I thought they were,
those names. How
I’ve clung to labels,

who’s right, who’s wrong,
how I’ve cared about
who’s pushed harder

and who’s been slack.
Now all I want
is to let the rock

roll back to where it belongs,
which is wherever it lands,
and you and I could,

imagine!, walk unencumbered,
all the way to the top and
walk and walk and never stop

except to discover what
our hands might do
if for once they were

receiving.

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these scars on my arm?
I used to walk my hell with me
everywhere on a leash
and let it bite me sometimes
just to be sure it still hurt

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It was dim
then
starless

who would guess
this was a gift

now whatever path
there is

is lit

by my own

light

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It was no wolf
in grandma’s kerchief
that tricked me,
but I thought
it was I who opened
every door, thinking
I knew what was
behind it. Now
I watch as doors
I never knew were there
open themselves,
come unhinged,
fall off.

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five haiku


I could never say
what love is but often
I say I love you

*

you’re shy? it’s okay—
I can drip love from these words
instead of flooding

*

who says there is
only one sun? let’s think
vaster than that

*

falling through
the spaces between stars
a temple of emptiness

*

a velvet cage
is still a cage she said
scissors in hand

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the compass rose
slipped off the map—
the road bloomed

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those crumbs
in your hair, I think I’ll
leave them there

*

it’s not what I
expected, said the fish
when given wings

*

you and I, two
winging birds that just escaped
the terminal

*

these hands, so weary
from grasping, finally open
enough to hold light

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