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Posts Tagged ‘losing the self’

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Sometimes the fences
of our thoughts fall down
and in that open meadow,

we know ourselves as each other.
In these moments,
we are overcome by tenderness,

and it is impossible to imagine
anything but love.
Any positions we had,

any delusions of me versus you
any stances of defensiveness or blame
evaporate. In those moments,

we give our everything to each other,
and there is no difference between
pain and joy and fear and courage—

it is all one immense feeling
that moves through us just as wind
moves through blades of grass

all waving as one immense field.
In these moments, which are perhaps
equally forever and now,

there is nothing to figure out,
nothing to plan, nothing to build
and nothing to learn. Though when

the fences are up, it’s almost impossible
to imagine it could ever be like this.
so impossible to imagine not staking in

just one more post, just one more rail.

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Three Escapes

for years
I have tried to lock
you out
not seeing that instead
I locked myself in

*

mom, he says,
do you ever think how great
it would be
to become water
going everywhere

*

standing
in the sunflowers
my whole body
practices
being sunflower

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walk this way

It is cold, oh,
it’s so, so cold,
and still the lover
says find the door,
walk out and come
to me. My breath
hangs in the air
between us, then
disappears. I shiver,
and the lover says
take off your clothes
and walk to me.
There are no promises
of warmth. Come here,
says the lover,
and take your time.
This is not how
I pictured it.
Why is it I’m sliding off
first one sock,
then the other,
my skirt, my slip,
my definition of bliss,
and letting them fall
in a heap to the floor.
Where’s the door?
Oh woman, be brave.
And if you cannot
be brave, be foolish.
And if you cannot
be foolish, then
hush and let the legs
just start walking.

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mostly fallen down
the barbed wire fence—
what’s it to the birds?

*

listening
for the moon—
sound of a heart

*

that hyacinth leaf—
staring at it until it is
no longer leaf

*

in the window
the boy waves at himself
saying he won’t stop
until the other boy
stops waving

*

poet, can you rhyme
with the cherry tree
in spring

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Like a pinecone
after it’s been trod on

and snowed on and
summered and rained on,

that is how I find myself.
Softer now, and with less

sense of separateness.
The earth has a fine way

of saying here, here.
And gravity, it makes things

so easy. I would not have thought
it sounded so good,

all that wearing down,
lessening to dust.

I could not have imagined
sharing my browns, much less

losing my sharpness, my articulate
serration, spilling my seeds.

Though spilling, that is what seeds
are for. And the opening beyond.

And losing the self, that is perhaps
what a self is for.

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on the wall
those shadows so much larger
than our problems

*

in the frost
on the window she writes
her name

*

recalling all those
prayers
I never learned

*

like a worm in kale,
something nibbling
all night on her dreams

*

air, snow, shadow, wind
she loses any names
she has been given

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—poem on a line from e.e. cummings

Rubble, smoke, sparrow, stone,
she wakes in darkness all alone.

Angel, master, docent, thief,
she wears the scars of love and grief.

Furrow, honey, Chopin, moss,
those are veils that are her loss.

There’s more, there’s more to be undone—
milk, lattice, lily, plum.

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It is Bach
I tell the broccoli
knife keeps quarter beats

*

all my empty spaces
alive with cello and silence—
every loss
has made it possible
this breathtaking resonance

*

the music touches
me everywhere, everywhere
purple gladiolas

*

in the kitchen
I am being spun, whirling
the cello bows

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So busy watching my feet
move over the small stones,
dried leaves, paths of ants,
it is a long time before
I see the birds.

*

What is it I am circling?
What is this longing
to name it?

*

The slats of shadow
and light only look
like prisons.
We slide through the bars
like song.

*

The bell does not ring
when we call it bell. It rings
with the playing of it.

*

And what is playing me,
this too-solid bell of a
flesh called woman,
Hollow me, I am
diligently practicing
my one note
in the symphony.

*

All these obstacles,
and still
the unspiraling line.

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In a ring of song
I hear your silence
I breathe in your silence
in a ring of song
I lose my singular voice
and become
what is unwritten,
unwritable, endlessly sung—
in the ring of song
there is no note
not worth singing,
there is no tone that’s wrong
in the ring of song
in the ring of song
the song rises and falls
all around us, it rises
and falls inside of us
I breathe in and pull
into my lungs the song
where it mixes with the unborn song
still forming
on my tongue,
in the ring of song
I am no one and if
I am anyone at all
I am one being sung.

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