So imperceptibly they show up,
the rings of a tree, and yet,
there must be a moment when
the dark line of the ring is not there
and then it is. So, too,
today, I swear I could feel it,
the emergence of another ring
inking itself around my heart
as my love for you, again, grew.
No one else will ever be able
to count these rings. No one
will know how love grew.
But I do.
Posts Tagged ‘love’
Mostly Invisible
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged inner landscape, love, tree rings on June 11, 2025| 2 Comments »
The Opening
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged fear, love, opening, paradox, salvation on June 8, 2025| 6 Comments »
There is a terror that claims us,
that snaps its strong jaws around us
and thrashes us till we are limp.
Who could guess such a maw
is a portal to grace?
There are wounds so great
no amount of salve or prayer
or kindness or care can heal them,
and through them we find gateways to love.
It is after the wailing and howling with ache
that we hear, as if for the first time,
the almost inaudible song of our breath
and know it as home.
How is it that what saves us
feels so far out of reach
but is here, bone close?
There is an infinite blooming inside us
we come to know only as we wither.
Even now, in this chill,
it is opening.
For Now
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged contentment, daughter, happily ever after, happiness, love, mother, movie, music, story on June 5, 2025| Leave a Comment »
Driving home from the movie,
our blood still charged with adrenaline,
my daughter and I move through
the dark just under the speed limit,
our eyes trained on the red taillights
in front of us, and we talk about plot holes
and how we would change the ending.
Neither of us would have chosen happily
ever after, which somehow felt false
to the greater story. It’s not long before
we’re singing along to her favorite song.
I harmonize on the chorus, and
a “Peaceful Easy Feeling” grows in me
as we drive through pouring rain.
I may not believe in happily ever after,
but I do believe in content for now,
as in this moment when she reaches
for my hand and I slide mine into hers.
I can’t see her face in the dark, but
in her voice, I can hear it, her smile.
Shining
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged apple tree, light, long marriage, love, sun on May 16, 2025| 13 Comments »
Have you seen the way the sun
spills only the teensiest fraction
of its light into the crabapple tree
and yet that is enough to transform
the petals from plain flat white
into radiant luminosity? Sometimes
love does this, too—I am thinking
of the way a woman can wake up
beside another human for thirty-some years,
perhaps she thinks she knows that person,
perhaps she really does, and then,
one morning, she sees them anew,
shining, gleaming even—not
just some trick of the light but
some magic love offers us,
the chance to witness how our
partner is changing, to marvel
at their ongoing becoming, to know
afresh just how lucky we are.
One Missed Opportunity
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged chance, conversation, love, opportunity, parenting, what matters on May 13, 2025| 3 Comments »
that would have been a great time
for me to tell you I love you,
that time when I jabbered on
about the shapes of glasses,
about the weather, the color of the tile
Intergalactic Love
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged connection, galaxy, heart, love on May 6, 2025| 4 Comments »
If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you, and if you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.
—The Gospel of Thomas, verse 70
There is a galaxy in my heart,
a vastness that surprises me
each time I dare look—
my god, it’s so much larger
than I could ever explore.
Filled with dark things that defy
investigation and dead places
where nothing can live and brilliant
places so radiant I’m unable to look
straight on. There is a galaxy
in my heart so expansive it sometimes
frightens me—what does it mean
to not know my own bounds?
What if I never live into my capacity to love?
There is a galaxy in my heart
that knows itself by spiraling,
swirling out from its own center,
and forming new stars.
Did I ever believe it was limited
to hold only so much?
The galaxy in my heart
invites me to remember
I am made of mystery, and
whatever theories I have
of how and who I love
are always being changed.
Even now, it stuns me,
how galaxies sometimes merge.
Imagine, if your galaxy
and my galaxy come together,
my god, how much vaster
our hearts can become.
What I Know of Love When Times Are Dark
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged candle, dark times, love, prayer on April 2, 2025| 8 Comments »
And if you can’t find a candle,
then light the wick of your wonder.
And if you can’t find your wonder,
then now might be a good time
to pray. And if you don’t
know how to pray,
then perhaps you are doing it right.
What do I know of prayer?
Only that every prayer that has saved me
is a prayer that has found me
instead of the other way round—
a prayer that comes through me,
as if I am nothing more
than flesh in service to a prayer.
And if there is a candle, then light it.
And if there is a candle, ask it
to be your teacher. And if there is
a candle, notice how far its light
can reach. See if you, too, can touch
the world as generously as a candle,
just that far, holding back not even
the tiniest measure of love.
After Not Seeing Her for a Year
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged friendship, how it is, love, missing, song, straight talk on March 27, 2025| 2 Comments »
for Deb
I held the tall and solid
song of her in my arms,
held her the way
a note clings to a staff,
as if for a moment,
I could anchor myself
to the years of shared
laughter. I miss you,
I said. And she said,
That is how it is.
What a gift, these five words.
They did not try to fix,
nor did they ignore
the ache of missing.
As if she were helping me
rekey my thoughts into bitonality—
a melody written in love
with a harmony written
in ache. For a while longer
then, I held her because
I could. And moments
later I rehearsed again
how to let her go.
No part of it
was not beautiful.
Framing
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged framing, grief, love, photo on March 20, 2025| 11 Comments »
In the photo on my phone, my son stands beside
a key deer, one hand limp at his side, the other
extending toward the spindly creature,
his delighted gaze on me where I stand behind
the camera. I don’t remember why he’s wearing
a shoelace tied around his head, but
his hair is bunched up and the look on his face says
he is both frightened by the deer and longing
to be closer to it. Oh, to love what we don’t understand. It
is ten years before he will take his life.
There are no clues in this photo of the tears.
The way his eyes will dull to black. The empty room.
The choice he made in that doorway.
No, in this photo, the aperture is still wide and
the Florida light reflects off his still-blonde
hair. What’s to come is more blurred than
the tropical trees behind him and the deer. Here, he is
still so curious about what might happen next, and
me, though I know now will happen in his story, it
doesn’t stop me from loving the boy
in that photo. Nor does it stop me from
loving him now. That love still framing
my life.