I am a sky filled
with hundreds of cliff swallows
spiraling, plummeting,
equal parts fall and wing, and
I am the emptiness after.
July 25, 2011 by Rosemerry
I am a sky filled
with hundreds of cliff swallows
spiraling, plummeting,
equal parts fall and wing, and
I am the emptiness after.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged sky, tanka | 1 Comment
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Nice closing line, especially after the fullness. I wonder why you say “a sky” and not “the sky” or just “sky?”
Also, I think you could do without the word “hundreds” — I do like the sound of that line better with “filled” and “cliff” closer together. The sky is, after all, “filled” and “hundreds” qualifies what is potentially even larger without it.