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Archive for November, 2014

Your eyes. I used to believe they created me.
One look from you, and I became chalice,
lotus, lioness, crane. Woman. Without your gaze,
I was unformed clay. Your absence, my absence.
It was like some strange twist on what Ptolemy said—
he believed that rays emanate from the eyes,
rays that traverse the air and find the object, allowing
it to be seen. If a woman dances alone in a room,
and you do not see her, is she really dancing?
Does she exist at all?

But Ptolemy was wrong, love, and so was I.
And this is not really the story of photoreceptors
and environmental stimuli. It’s the story
of how we long to be seen—it begins with such
innocence, a longing to please. It’s the story
of how eventually a woman might find herself
dancing for the leaping, whirling pleasure of dancing.

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Two for the Road

driving through the stoplight—
too dark to notice if your eyes are green

*

after all that bad news
I teach the radio a love song

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vase of dried flowers—
why keep sniffing that dust?
all around us, souls in bloom

*

in the mirror
of the divine, every face
the same face

(Divan xiii)

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It is not so much the look on Mary’s face,
as if she is yet untouched by the tragedy.
It is not so much the diagonal drape
of the dead Christ’s arm, nor the empty folds
of the virgin’s dress. It’s the name that catches me,
Michelangelo Buonarroti, chiseled in the sash
that runs between Mary’s breasts, as if to say,
“This is my work, and it is good.”

Oh Mary, holding your son, dead,
what do you know about wanting to own something
that cannot be owned? Just this morning
my own six-year-old girl curled into my lap
and reached up with her right hand to clasp
my shirt in her fist. You never ever go, she said,
sprawling across me, loaning me all of her weight.

I love to find my signature in this girl—
the greenish gray color of her eyes,
the way she loves to read. The color of her skin,
her silly side. Mary, how did you do it, say goodbye?
I run my hands over the startling muscles of her legs,
trace the shape of her jaw, the length of her neck.
Oh the body, how it loves to touch, oh the soul, how
it blossoms by letting go. And the ego, oh how it wants

to say, this is mine, this is mine,
though the mind knows the way that all things go—
even the glass surrounding the Carrara marble,
even the marble, the cathedral, the square.
Even the girl, who leaps up to chase the cat.
Even her mother retelling the story of longing
and love and fear. Even the story itself.

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robbing ninety banks
I’d still come up short to buy
this pearl love gives me

(Divan, x)

*

on this ladder each
rung its own destination—
it’s time, love, to climb

(Divan, xii)

*

rather to wear
this scratchy wool slip of love
than all the silks of pride

(Divan, xiii)

*

is that True Love
you’re sipping? quick, bartender,
make mine a triple

(Divan, xiii)

*

I put all I love
in a canoe, love sank it—
now everything is possible

(Divan, xiii)

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and yet you will weep, and know why
—Gerard Manley Hopkins, “To a Young Child: Spring and Fall”

I don’t remember if the lake outside the window
was open or frozen, but I remember the way my mother
guided my bangs away from my eyes as she said,

“Your grandpa Chuck has died.” I had already learned,
perhaps even from him, to gut and skin bluegills and bass.
I’d strung worms like pink garland on empty hooks,

but I’d not yet considered the death of men.
I sensed something sharp rising in my throat then,
what?—something that scraped its length.

Water dammed at the bottoms of my eyes. “Mommy,” I said,
“I think I’m going to cry.” I remember being surprised.
“Oh my darling,” she said, “That’s right. That’s okay.”

I did not know then how many more tears would find me,
how familiar the tug at my throat would become. With each death
of a loved one, sometimes even with strangers, I feel it,

the barb of the hook as it sets, the sharp ache, the yank
as strong hands begin to reel in the invisible line
pulling me toward the horizon.

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I hear the horses, are there dozens? hundreds?
They are galloping toward my room.
I do not know how it is that they are in my home,
but if the riders find me, they will take me. Or kill me.
I know this.

I am alone. The top bunk of the bed where I am hiding
rattles from the pounding of their hooves.
Play dead, I think, though it is not so much a thought
as reflex. I slow the red race of my breath until it is brown
and dry, until my chest is still as stump,
until I’m a lump instead of a girl.

When the men on the horses arrive, I do not move.
I do not wince nor cry out when one pokes at my sheets
with something blunt and cold.

That’s the deadest girl I ever saw, he says.
I hear the feet of horses as they stomp and rake at the ground,
hear them strain and clench and rear. Then
a whinny, then a whirl, I can feel their breath,
and the horses ride off again.

Is this when I learn that the way to save myself
is to fully shut down? In the years to come,
I will find new ways to play dead. One is to starve.
One is to hide. One is to look so green and thriving
on the outside that no one could ever guess how brittle I am.

But those tactics are for later. For now, the girl in the bed
that is me and not me marvels that she is still alive.
It is a long time before she moves.

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Everything I’ve learned is in the way.
Where’s the worth in knowing iambic pentameter, the value
in differential equations, the treasure in identifying
the insertion point of the hamstring or pira formis or gastrock.
Look what it’s done for me, this memorizing Burns
and Blake and Hopkins and cummings. Look how far I’ve come
with my knowledge of the subjunctive and understanding where
to put the comma in an appositive phrase.
There is a kettle of vultures on the empty branches
of the trees I cannot name. In their open wings,
I see a dark V. I try to not see it, but ever since someone
mentioned the V, now it is all I can see.
Please, don’t tell me anything. Once
I could look at a bird and see
how it moved, how it sat, I could hear
how it said nothing at all.

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What do you mean I am one minute late,
she says to the man in the suit behind the desk.
The plane is here. I am here. Here is my bag.
Put it on the plane.

The man behind the desk explains
that this would be impossible.
He does not look her in the eye.
Wild Rose smiles. Everything is possible,
she says.
She jumps across the baggage scale
and pushes the man out of the way.
Ma’am, he says, I will get the police.
Wild Rose says, That’s okay.
She finds her name and gives herself
a first-class upgrade, prints out her tickets,
leaves her luggage for lost and walks
toward her gate. The man in the suit
stands there, phone still in hand.
He looks like a lost little boy. Take me with you,
he says to the space where she was.
She yells back, You’re one minute too late.

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Abecedarian

Well, I am trying to come up with an abecedarian poem (a poem that uses each letter of the alphabet as a starting letter once and only once, usually in alphabetical order, for instance: Always Bring Cookies, Darling … etc.

Anyway, this little word collection that I spent HOURS on today (so many versions you really would not believe it) is perhaps going in the front of the alphabet book. To see the tree people illustrations that go with all the crazy alphabet poems I have been writing the last few months, visit http://alphabetmenagerie.com

Journey into dream forests—varied geographies.

Here X marks no spot worthier than Z.

Each letter contains postures and rumors of you.

Bring kinship. Questions. Uncertainty.

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