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Archive for August, 2015

What I Can Do

If an arrow would do it,

I’d shoot not just one

but a dozen bright arrows

through anything, anything

that makes you feel small.

If an arrow would do it,

I’d practice each day

until I could aim at your fears

and shatter them, spear them,

pierce them through.

Oh love, if an arrow would do it,

I’d slay all your doubts.

I would buy the finest bow.

How useless it feels

to offer you tenderness,

but here is the hand

that would pull back the string,

and here are the eyes

that would find the mark,

and here is the heart

that would do anything

to save you.

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Too long I have dared to not dare,

love. Here, here is my whole heart,

and here is the fence I built

around it and here is the match

to burn the fence and while we are at it,

the doors, too, and the walls

and the weathervane.

I have no idea what comes next.

Fabulous.

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In the violins, the endless waves

pull pebbles into the ocean

then push them again toward shore.

In the viola, there! brief gleam of moon,

and then the light is gone.

In the cello, oh, slow bowed misery of man.

And here, after tossing in the terrible sea

of sadness and inhumanity,

here in the tender reach of the baritone’s voice

I lean into Matthew Arnold’s call to love.

Sometimes, though we’ve heard the words before,

we hear them new. And for a moment,

sitting in the seventh row, I wade deeper into the tide

and want nothing more than to be true to you.

Just half an hour before, I was pushing you away—

something you said, something you didn’t say.

Oh music, how it heals us, baptizes us

into this very here. What could be more important

now than loving you? I slip my hand into your hand,

touch your shoulder with my shoulder.

The baritone tells of the clashing, the flight.

All is hush.

On my cheek, bright sting of salt water.

for a full copy of Arnold’s “Dover Beach,” visit http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/172844

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You never really recover.

That’s what the woman told me

her friend had said.

We were talking about

eating disorders.

There’s no way to make

that line sound poetic.

Her friend ran a program

at a hospital for other women

with eating disorders.

Her friend knew the subject personally.

I remember, I told the woman,

when I believed the same thing.

Until one day, it happened.

I just didn’t know

it was possible because

for so many, many years

it hadn’t happened to me,

though I tried, I tried.

Whenever it happened,

there were no fireworks,

no symphonies, no ecstatic dance,

no revelations written in clouds.

No rhapsody, no reveille, no

parade, no streams of light.

It happened so quietly I didn’t notice—

not for days, weeks, perhaps months.

Now I lean in when I hear myself say never.

What a fine time to get very curious.

What a fine time to get very quiet,

even quieter than that.

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One Unpredictability

playing chase

with a thunderstorm—

tucking my son into bed

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While Flipping Pages

Out of the old green Rand McNally,

pressed between North Dakota and Ohio,

fell a handful of faded rose petals,

once yellow, now brown.

Brittle and strangely flat,

they hardly resemble the flowers

they were when they came to me

in an exuberant bouquet.

The petals are dried past pretty,

pale and dead, and still

there is something lovely about them,

the symmetry of the darkened veins,

how smooth they are, like skin.

I, too, am more fragile,

twenty winters older since

I slipped these petals into

the weight of the atlas,

and part of me shakes my head

at that naïve girl who so wanted

to try to save something beautiful.

And part of me thanks her.

She could not then have known

how on an late summer night

I would discover them again,

and, surprised, take a sniff and find,

could it be? a faint sweet scent.

Some nights, even the tiniest bit of beauty

is enough to shake us wildly awake,

reminding us there is so much

yet to bloom, so much we still long

to give to the world.

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Even Tonight

In the dark window

twenty pale moths flutter and rise.

This is what moths

are made to do,

to fly toward what they want

and not give up.

In the kitchen light

I watch them crawl

across my reflection.

I imagine flying

toward my own light

and never giving up,

yes, burning all my

excuses, all my stories,

flying into that flame.

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And if the rope knots come undone,

and if the ladder drops its rungs,

and if the hands forget to grasp,

and if what’s hanging falls at last,

there’ll still be more to fall apart—

we haven’t mentioned yet the heart

(not pictured here, but nonetheless

the heart’s an omnipresent lens).

It’s more a matter of when than if—

every woman fathoms this.

She’s been the hands curled on the shelf,

the rope, the rungs, the fall itself.

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a singer lasts a season long, while the song it lasts forever

            —“Good Friend,” Jan Harmon

oh bliss in being

this very bird hearing

a thousand thousand other songs

inside this one

song

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Nature

(an erasure poem written by deleting most of the words in the article, “The Magnetic Nature of Disk Accretion onto Black Holes,” written by Jon Miller, John Raymond, Andy Fabian, Danny Steeghs, Jeroen Homan, Chris Reynolds, Michiel van der Klis and Rudy Wijnands in Nature, Volume 44, 22 June 2006. The words in this poem were taken from their article in this exact order. No words not found in the article were were added.)

 

Here we report that it is common to decompose,

strength taken from our figures.

This is the nature of wind.

We are scattering and scattering,

a luminous dilution.

Where is our value?

In our loss—

luminous instability.

O the wind to infinity,

the wind remarkably driven,

the wind that is difficult.

The wind to infinity,

clear wind, rare and crucial,

the wind, driving wind,

ubiquitous, illuminated,

accelerating wind.

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I am sorry I threw away your broken tiara,

the blue Cinderella dress with the ripped sleeves,

and the wand with the faded pink star.

I am sorry I tossed out the magic eight ball

with the blue message in the bottom that always said,

“Not Sure,” and the various mismatched sections

of Hot Wheels race tracks. And the pen

with the bobblehead that always falls off.

And you won’t find Barbie’s black high heel

rubber shoes with the broken back strap.

Or the toy Pegasus with only one wing.

Or the shiny slinky with the torque in it’s spring.

I threw them away.

There was more.

I know you loved them, those broken bits

of childhood, those souvenirs of past happiness.

I did it while you were in the other room,

and took out the guilty bag before you could peek inside.

I knew you would want them back, the jacks

you have never played with, the crappy plastic Elsa kazoo

you got at your best friend’s party.

And when you ask me, “Mom, have you seen

that little green rubber fish that I won at the carnival

four years ago”—yeah, I know you won’t ask me,

but if you do—I am prepared to say No,

no I haven’t. I’m sorry.

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All that sweeping and dusting

and straightening, oh foolish woman,

trying to please you with my efficiency

when what your heart really wanted

was something wild, overflowing with honey

and spilling sweetness all over

those clean, clean floors.

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