Beside the fire, inside
the dark, and lost amidst
the tide of thoughts,
there is a momentary warmth
that steeps into our every inch
and make us doubt
that we could ever feel
sharp cold again—
the mind, thus warmed,
forgets to quarrel and simply
nestles closer—and the dark itself
comes nearer by and we
lean in together.
A correction and a critique, both with the seventh line: “that” is accidentally repeated; and I don’t think you need, “someday.” How this particular poet, this particular early morning (and before coffee) would do the seventh and eighth lines is: that we could ever/feel cold again—
Now, that said and outta the way, I like how you’ve crafted this poem. It rises subtly into a quiet crescendo. Even moreso than typical of many of your poems, its calm and quiet nature belies its power. I think this is especially true for your turn: “and the dark itself comes nearer by and we lean in together.” (And, yes, of course I am thrilled by this turn.) Your word choices: warmth, steeps(!), warmed, quarrel, nestles, nearer by, lean in. Quiet, calm, introspective words elegantly setting the mood. Also, I read this poem several times until I noticed it’s a single sentence—which, of course, strengthens the spell leading to the crescendoing turn. A bouquet of kiitos for writing, posting, and sharing.
This is what happens when, for over a decade, you stay faithful to a daily practice.
you are so right … two thats was of course a mistake, but the someday is also extraneous … thank you for your good eye and ear! And I am glad you could feel the swell in it, I was quite aware of it as it was happening and tried to stay true to it … in the end it felt a bit Emily D-ish to me, which was a bit thrilling. In a slant way.
🙂 How cozy! 🙂
it was quite cozy last night by the fire!
🙂 Best time of year for it!