I’m exactly the person that I thought I’d be.
—Amanda Palmer, “In My Mind”
And there she was in Wikipedia, the woman
with my name who went to my college and
attended my grad school and graduated the same
years as I did. She wrote books that I wrote
and lives in the same state I do.
There was no picture of her, but I think
I might recognize her if I see her. Though in reality,
I recognize her less and less. I remember
how much she wanted to be in Wikipedia.
How the bio she wished for included honors
way beyond the honors they list. I know
how she still struggles with what she thinks she wants
and who she actually is. Of course, I love
that they spelled her name right. That they
neglected to mention the awards she didn’t get
last week. How they left out the part
where she didn’t want to get out of bed
in the morning for months. But dang.
Wikipedia. I mean, how could that not
make her feel as if she’s somehow arrived—
categorized as “American Woman Poet,”
which, they don’t mention, has been
her dream since fifth grade. If they knew,
they might expand her bio to mention the winter day
back in 1979 when she sat in a beanbag
on Mrs. Zabrowski’s fifth grade floor
and stared out the window
at the furious Wisconsin winter storm
and read “The Snowflake” by Walter de la Mare,
falling in love with what poems can do.
That was the day she felt the wild tremor
of words and thought, Maybe I could do it, too.
And maybe tonight, looking in the mirror,
she will see that no matter the honors
she never received, she did follow
the wild tremor of words to become
the woman she dreamed she could be.
And though Wikipedia won’t tell you why,
she’s starting to believe she’s exactly
the woman she dreamed she could be.
…..and yes you are!
ha! Thank you, Alison–I was super inspired by this video from Amanda Palmer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhAFFikmdkI
absolutely!
thank you, Carol … it was fun to write this one … I mean really, what to do besides write a poem about it!
I checked what Wikipedia had to say about you immediately after seeing the title of today’s poem. I, too, wish for a photo of you to be included; and a fuller entry. (I also noticed they had Daiva’s last name as, Cisneros, which I hopefully was able to correct—as well as providing a working link to the Daily Planet article of her being appointed SMPL.)
And yes indeedy, we’re certainly so much more than any online bio/profile will ever tell; and you, dear wordwoman, are certainly a prime example of the chasm between what can be written about and what can be experienced.
Yes, and, as for “she’s starting to believe she’s exactly/the woman she dreamed she could be,” I say don’t let your dreams hold you back. Onward and omward.
ha! I thought it was awesome that the entry was called a “stub.” and thanks for correcting Daiva’s name, I noticed that, too! I was thinking that what the entry could never say was how the poems are just the byproducts of the process of writing them, which is the real point. Apparently this was part of a push to get more women into wikipedia, and I am thrilled to be included in that effort! Big hugs to you, sweet man. Cheers to going beyond our dreams. xo
“…the poems are just the byproducts of the process of writing them, which is the real point.”
I like this. It says what I’ve known for quite awhile, but what I too frequently lose sight of and forget: What matters is, “writing,” the verb; not, “writing,” the noun. The noun-writing is merely what results from the verb-writing.
well said, amigo. Great distinction between the verb of it and the noun. Amen to that!
Oh there you go again, writing just the poem I need to illustrate a teaching I’m working on right now. 🙂
So in my self-discovery groups, I’m talking about how “the you you’ve created is so much smaller than the you you truly are.” And how we must know our “created” identities, see where we cling to or push away certain parts, befriend it all, and then move past those boundaries.
Wikipedia!! – well that’s just freakin’ cool!
You – now that’s even cooler!!!!!
Love and Namaste my friend!
PS I’m with Ed, the awareness “…the poems are just the byproducts of the process of writing them, which is the real point.” is awesome!
I love exactly what you say … look, you did in one sentence what took me a whole page, “the you you’ve created is so much smaller than the you you truly are.” Dang. that is soooo exactly what I was trying to say. thank you for sharing that!!