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Posts Tagged ‘allowing’

They are ladders,
I tell myself, the snowflakes,
and I could climb them

until the small white yard
disappears in the white, white land.
No, I tell myself,

they are kisses,
millions and millions
of small cold kisses.

No. They are voiceless bells
reminding us to come to pray.
Or lightness manifest. Or curtains

to hide our loss. Or perhaps,
I consider, they are
nothing more than snow,

just as a day is just a day,
and a woman is just a woman,
though sometimes she looks outside

of herself for a sign, looks for meaning
in the spaces between the flakes,
as if a drift or gust or squall might mean, well,

it all slips away.
One thing for certain, I am one
of many. One thing for certain.

I am not lost. I am here
leaning into the windswept snowflakes, falling,
and the field I’m in is a field, open and white.

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Dear Rumi,

After reading “The Guest House,” by Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

The house, remember how it was swept
so clean last time you came around?
Not a book left on the shelves. The closets,
hangerless. The drawers, bare. Not even
a dust bunny under the bed. It was terrifying,
really, to inhabit all that emptiness. No cup,
not even a dirty one, to offer you. And you,
unphased, led me to the river to drink.

I am almost afraid to tell you I bought new cups.
And the shelves, well, there are lots of new books.
Many I have not yet opened. I just bought them
hoping to know, know something, something more,
something about nothing. That is ridiculous,
I know, and I can laugh at myself and still
I order more books.

There are rugs in the halls, and lamps, and I could even
offer you a stool. Is it so wrong, Rumi, to have brought
all the furniture in again? Shame, she came again
last week. She spit on my mirror and it won’t come off.
And Fear, he trampled mud all over the new white carpet.
And Anger, he tossed two of the new tea cups
on the floor where they shattered like hope.
And Hope, she picked up the pieces and made
a mosaic of wings.

I am learning, perhaps, to better greet
these visitors and laugh as you suggest.
Sometimes I even get excited to hear
the doorbell ring. And sometimes when I hear
footsteps at the door, I run to the closet,
curl myself into a ball, cover myself with old coats
and boots and shudder.

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I’ve been noticing how,
when even the smallest
bit of light comes through,
everything starts
to melt—

I’m not saying
we should try
to build some wild
contraption that might force
all these clouds into moving,

but perhaps
we could put ourselves
out there in the field,
naked as we can stand,

so that whenever
that ray does come
our hearts
and all those walls
we’ve built around them
are ready.

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did it just start to
sing, that brown bird, or did I
just start to listen?

*

a night of fretting,
but the day comes in with a
cartwheel

*

that letter so much
more precious now that I
have lost it

*

once I took all the
books off the shelves, God arrived
with a blank page

*

today
the leaf just
a leaf

*

no pillow tonight!
the poem just grabbed a drum
and crooked its finger

*

but I don’t know how
to fly, I said, and God said,
start by falling

*

still cupped in my hands
this song hummed to me
seven years ago

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those crumbs
in your hair, I think I’ll
leave them there

*

it’s not what I
expected, said the fish
when given wings

*

you and I, two
winging birds that just escaped
the terminal

*

these hands, so weary
from grasping, finally open
enough to hold light

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