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Posts Tagged ‘allowing’

Release

Something softens when we enter the flow.
—Joi Sharp

Not that I didn’t try to find the shore.
I scraped at the stones, grasping as I passed,
clawing until my fingers bled. Not that I didn’t try
to stall in the eddy where I spiraled down,
down. I tried. I tried. What if, instead, I had
fallen in love with the angry swirl, fallen in
love with the waves’ white froth, fallen in love
with the chill, the roil. It did not last, the chaos. It delivered
me to the warm quiet water that also did not last.
At one point, though, it happened, through no effort
of my own, the small unvoice in me began to whisper,
world I love you, world I love you, world I love
you I said to the rocks, to the shore, to the heron
standing in the center of the stream as I passed.

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As In All Things

Rain in our hair and rain
in our hands, rain on our
cheeks and rain in our lashes,
our pockets, our plans.
The rain, how it rains, how
we forget how we longed
to be dry. How we tiptoed
around the puddle. How
we huddled beneath the tree.
How we tried so hard not
to be what now feels so wetly fine.
Rain harder, rain, there is still
too much of me that tries to hide.

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We ran from flower
to flower, thrusting
our noses into the rose bushes,
snagging our legs on the thorns
and calling to each other
to come, share this one,
yes, this one, so sweet.
It was a glorious searching,
though what was the point,
the perfume was everywhere.

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my hammer, my nails
what good are they now
the whole roof collapsed

*

doe in the meadow
my thoughts in the meadow
one of these is quiet

**

so much to learn
about
not knowing

***

not by the shoulders
but by the soul
life shakes me

****

hands bloody
tearing down a wall
that isn’t even there

*****

doe in the meadow
my thoughts in the meadow
one of these is quiet

******

at the same time
the tree grows
toward darkness, toward light

*******

so open my hands
not holding
my hammer, my nails

*********

surrounded by rubble
still I beg Love, keep having
your way with me

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I tell myself
there will be more light
still I don’t like it
this scent of old wood splintering
as the roof blows apart

*

my life packed
in boxes–the urge
to lose them

*

the orchards in us
not enough hands
to harvest all this ripeness

*

one heron
in great blue wings he gathers
the whole world

*

I thought I knew
who I was, then the bars
bent enough
I could slip outside of her
how many bars don’t I see?

*

sky so pink
I make of myself
an offering

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And again she scoops air
into her cheeks, buoys her body,
and flops face first into the water,

her limbs, unsyncopated,
thrash with joy. She is all splash
then all snort, and she wretches

and belches the water, then smiles
wide enough for three smiles,
giddy with the wonder of floating—

how just an hour ago she didn’t know
that it would be today
that she would lift

her feet from the bottom and rise
to the water’s top. I wonder

how many pools I’ve been wading in,
waist deep, not knowing
the morning will come

maybe today, when I will stumble
and find all my weight is lifted,
supported, if only I relax.

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Perhaps
I thought
by leaning
into loss,
it would become
more comfortable.
But it is like
overripe apricots.
There is no
managing,
no pretending,
no way
to make
it anything
but what
it is.
They are overripe.
Nothing
to be done
about a gift
like that
except to walk
the rows
and gather
the sunwarmed
flesh, bruised
and soft,
and eat it until
you can’t
eat another
sweet bite,
then gather
the fruit
to freeze
until the freezer
will hold no more
and then
when the orchard
floor is still
mottled with
fruit on the edge
of moldering,
know there
is really
nothing
to be done,
and though
it is uncomfortable
stop naming
this experience
loss and
start leaning
into what is,
the only
place
we can
rest.

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Sorrow happens, hardship happens, the hell with it, who never knew the price of happiness, will not be happy.
—Yevgeny Yevtushenko

Just as the splinters
slip in a bit deeper
beneath the bruise, just

as the clench in my
chest clenches tighter,
just as the tap roots

of ache push lower
into my groin and tease
new depths of darkness,

it occurs to me, soft
as sheepskin, weightless
as being swung off my feet,

how lucky it is to love, and though
the roots still reach
their terrible reach,

and the splinters slip in,
oh please, not so deep,
there is a strange

joy that blooms
in my cheeks
like cherry stain,

like joy.

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eruption of crocuses—
that old brittle oak leaf still
not ready to fall

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Tired and cold
she came to a clearing
beside the river
and set herself down.
There, the moon.
The moon.

*

Not once had she dreamed
to bring the moon any closer.
Not once had she wished
it would move any faster.

*

How to stay in this place
of not wanting
not needing
not wishing
not hoping
not reaching, not knowing.

*

At the edge of whatever
she thought she knew
she leaned
until the only thing
touching her
was nothing.

*

Sometimes a story
ends. Sometimes it
plays again. Sometimes
we see through a story
to see ourselves.

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