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Posts Tagged ‘life’

After Reading about the Death

 

 

 

It is the work of the living

to grieve the dead. It is our work

to wonder how else the story

could have gone. It is our work

to weep and worry, and it is

our work to heal. The clouds

hide the moon, hide the sun, sometimes

for days. We don’t believe

it will be forever. Some part of us

knows not only hope, but patience.

It is the work of the living

to love even deeper

in the face of death, to know ourselves

as flowers on the pathway,

easily crushed. The world crushes.

Some stems spring back,

some never rise again.

We know we must be resilient,

but resilience has wings

and sometimes flies away.

It is the work of the living

to, against all odds, grow wings.

It is our work to live—

and work it sometimes is.

It is our work to show up again

and again and again, genies

who refuse to go back in the bottle,

lovers who ever insist on love,

stems that feel sunlight and,

though we can’t yet move,

let it encourage our being.

 

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One at the Memorial

 

 

 

between the tears,

a curve ball of joy—

life takes a victory lap

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I decided to take

the invitation seriously.

Nothing changed.

I made breakfast.

Went to work.

Walked.

Made a date

to speak with a friend.

Swore at the magpie

that dive bombed

my head. Ate popcorn

for lunch.

Made plans

for four months from now.

Took vitamins.

Drank green tea.

Watered the seeds

planted yesterday.

Talked to the seeds,

encouraged them to grow.

Read a book, stopped

at the penultimate chapter.

Some things are better

left unfinished.

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In the Dream

 

 

I choose to go down with the boat

and grip tight the rails—

and the blue water widens its mouth

and swallows the ship, pulls it deeper, deeper in,

but I can’t make my body stay down,

and I float, unwillingly, to the surface.

I wake, spluttering, resentful—

this is not how it was supposed to end—

though the ship was doomed,

I was supposed to stay.

But the sunlight has other plans

for me. All day, I wring

salt water from my hair.

All day the world calls to me

like a crow, start again,

start again, start again

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for Billy Miller, remembering events on January 4, 2012

 

 

When the man pulled my father

from the icy waters of Lake Michigan,

he did not know years later my step-daughter

would need someone to buy her a sweater

so she would feel nurtured, did not know

that my son would need someone

to make a mosaic with him so that he

could feel loved, did not know

that my daughter would need

someone to tell her that she

was beautiful. When the man

pulled my father out of the water—

my dad had been fishing alone—

that off-duty fireman couldn’t have known

that years later this very daughter

would sit beside her father and hold his hand

and weep at the simple gift

of being able to hold his hand.

The fireman was doing what he knew to do—

to rush to the person in need of help.

He didn’t think then of the other lives

blessed by the man. Did not think

of the other lives he blessed with his hands

when he chose to try, though the odds

of saving the man were low.

He knew only to reach.

Years later, my mother still sleeps

beside the man that was pulled

from the winter lake.

Give us hands that know to reach

for each other—stranger, neighbor,

friend. Give us hands that unthinkingly

choose to save the family

we’ve never met.

 

See the news story here.

 

 

 

 

 

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Make No Mistake

 

 

 

Everything is out to get you.

Still, the thrill of the ice

as your skates glide across it,

still the joy in swimming

even as the water deepens.

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One Example

 

 

 

the candle runs out—

knowing this, the wick

burns no less bright

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In the Garden

 

 

 

I apologize

as I squish

the green worm

that’s been feasting

on the basil leaf.

It does not change

the fact that the worm

is dead. And the basil

now will live.

 

Yesterday, my friend Carl

stopped me on the street

and wondered aloud

how we die

to the moment,

then greet the next.

He did not,

of course mean

a literal death.

 

The basil leaf

has a hole in it now

where the green worm

is not. I pick it

and eat it myself,

not out of spite,

perhaps

to feel how the worm

and I are not

after all

so different.

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then I guess it’s fair to say

that today, we walked on water—

how easy it is to not notice

how our every step

is miracle

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Morning Commute

 

 

 

Red carcass beside the road,

the thin ribs like white staffs

and the black birds

that flitter around them

like staccato notes

escaped from the score—

 

if you listen for a death song

all you’ll hear

is the shiny caw of good fortune,

the sound of your own

hungry wheels humming by.

 

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Day of the Dead

it’s a miracle, I tell you

—Laura Kasischke, “Near Misses”

 

It’s a miracle, I tell you,

that I am here to make the breakfast

and spread the jelly

on the stale bagel,

a miracle for me to walk

down the icy street

in these scuffed up boots

with these scuffed up feet

and my scuffed up dreams

and my scuffed up love,

a miracle to wander through

the smear of the days,

the spill of the years,

my cells slowing down,

my candles blown out

and relit and blown out

and relit again,

yes a miracle, not just

biology, to feel it so profoundly,

this gratitude that I might stumble

and stride through the world,

a little hum finding my lips

as one foot falls again

in front of the other,

and is lifted, then falls,

and is lifted again.

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Rewrite the first chapter,

the one in which someone else

starts to tell your story.

Notice how when you erase it,

all the chapters after it

go blank. Fields of blank pages.

Skies of blank pages. Blank minutes,

blank days, blank years. Listen

for what’s left of your story—

nothing. Miss your friends.

Miss your mom. Miss your old house

and your problems. Go back

to chapter one. Rewrite it exactly

as it was written, but keep

the pen in your hand. You want

to be in charge of the story

from here on in.

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One

 

 

 

carcass on the trail

the ribcage emptied, still red—

my own heart beating

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Four Circlings

 

 

 

this gray afternoon

we walked circles around death—

the sun came out

 

*

 

be brave, I tell myself

until the only voice I hear—

be true

 

 

*

 

on the wrist

of the man with hours to live

the watch tells perfect time

 

*

 

make of my body

a bridge, now to now,

love to love, life to life

 

 

 

 

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How It Goes On

On the day I learned that he died,

I made blackberry jam. The kitchen

was steamy and hot from the water bath,

and the bubbling saucepan of fruit took nearly

an hour to gel. I stood and stirred

and stirred and stood. The sweet scent

touched everything. It was gray

outside and smelled of rain, while in

the pot deepened a most beautiful darkness,

the color of sugar that comes with time.

It was an accident, of course, the kind

that makes every one of us think

we are lucky to be alive, lucky to stand

wherever we are standing, whether

it’s in line for a bus or beside the road

or in front of a chalkboard or

in the middle of the kitchen stirring

blackberry jam. How could I not fall in love

with the heat, with the color of blackberries,

how could I not fall in love with the cat

and the chatter of the girl playing dolls

and the racket of the boys throwing pillows

and even the ache in my feet. What a blessing

to be alive, to feel this awful tug

in my gut, this surge of what if,

this swell of what was, this terrible gift

of standing for hours to preserve what is sweet

as if I believe there will be a day months from now

when we will eat the sweetness and

know ourselves lucky to be alive.

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Of course I know I am going to die

I know it the same way I know

the sun is dying, too. This is a fact,

that feels far away. All the same,

I carry it with me today as I notice

how the new summer growth

on the spruce is startlingly blue.

And the river, low and clear, wears a shimmer

in its song. Every flower in the bed

is fully in blossom, and the meadows

are lush and green. I know they will die,

as I will die, though all of us seem so wildly

alive in this moment, especially the bindweed

I pull from the garden as if

there will be a tomorrow

with plants that need space to grow.

I speak to the reaching tendrils of beans

in hopes of a harvest,

though there are, as of yet, no white blooms.
I tell them frost will come soon.

When Donna’s letter arrives on my screen,

I am just stepping in from the garden.

It was unexpected, she says.

In her letter, I swallow a hint of what else

is as real as the green all around,

and in me ripens a deeper hint of blue,

a hue that reframes so tenderly

these fleet shades of the living.

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Bottom Line

The first time I died it was sunny.

I could see the sunlight streaming in

through the waves as I drowned.

I was not frightened, more curious.

It was so new—the swirls of the current,

the bending of morning light. I was only scared

after I learned I was still breathing.

Then I fought for my breath.

The second time I died, it was lonely.

I stood at the top of the cliff

and the earth did not swallow me.

I fell for months without hitting bottom.

It was only much later I noticed

that I was alive again.

There were more.

Some of the deaths I do not remember.

Some of the deaths do not leave.

They are never and always the same.

I love it, this life, how it insists on itself.

I died again tonight,

watched as the mask of me struggled

to stay in place. It did not shatter nor melt.

It was just gone, though already I sense

it has found its way back on.

There is no need for tombstones, no need

to memorialize. It’s the living that matters,

and with each death, it’s easier to see

how life is so (oh, just say it), yes,

life is so beautiful.

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Because we did not drown today in a violent flash flood

nor contract hanta virus nor botulism,

because we were not tracked down and dismembered

by a mountain lion nor bitten by mosquitoes with West Nile,

because there was no hurricane, no earthquake,

no mudslide, no irate employees in the post office,

because both your heart and my heart continued

to pump rich blood through our bodies,

well, that seems reason enough to sit here

on the porch tonight and marvel at the world—

all those diving and banking green backed swallows

and the way the light shines through crab apple leaves

and the scent of the river and even that strangled sound

that the geese make—wouldn’t you say we are lucky,

my god, blessed beyond blessed to sit here

and fall in love with life not out of any sense that our time is short

but just because the field is full of green and gold

and the garden is free of gophers for now, and

the lawn has been mowed and there are no killer bees

in the yard, and there’s no tsunami, nope, not even a tiny chance.

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The Work of the World

A day is like this empty wooden bowl
taken into the field for gathering morels.
Some days the increase in weight is obvious,
and harvest spills over the rim. But weight is not
the worth of a day. Some days the bowl returns
empty, carried on its side between the hip and the arm.
But emptiness is no measure of what has been found.
There is, perhaps, an impulse to gauge success
based on fullness. But the bowl can’t hold
the memory of light slipping like an aria between
cottonwood limbs, can’t hold the scent of rain
or the burrs of disappointment. No, it is we
who carry the bowl, the memory, the day.
We stop sometimes to label things good or bad
or lucky or not, when all the while
we, too, are being carried by the same world
we believe we are carrying. We are the work
of the world. In the field, the morels grow,
or they do not.

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Caught by Surprise

you’d never know
the white scales of the tarpon
are delicately rimmed with silver
until the great fish
is dead

*

update from my mother!
the fish did not in fact die … it was catch and release, but it did leave a few scales in the boat! thanks, mom. That wrecks the poem, but it sure sounds better for the tarpon!

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