my daughter
and I, two small points
beneath a sky
of infinite small
bright points
Taking Out the Trash Tanka
December 6, 2011 by Rosemerry
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December 6, 2011 by Rosemerry
my daughter
and I, two small points
beneath a sky
of infinite small
bright points
I can see the two of you out there under the stars, but I have to say those three adjectives in front of the last “point” are a struggle for me to read. I mean, I think there’s too much there, trying to counter-echo that second line. It reads much smoother for me if I attached an ly to the word infinite.
Ohhhh – the unexpected sweet moments that happen within the mundane. Lovely.