for Valerie
implausibly balanced
on strappy bright pink heels,
the poem shows its scars—
I long to touch them gingerly
but they touch me
July 13, 2012 by Rosemerry
for Valerie
implausibly balanced
on strappy bright pink heels,
the poem shows its scars—
I long to touch them gingerly
but they touch me
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged ars poetica, compassion, poetry reading, scars, shoes, tanka, Valerie Haugen | 3 Comments
i don’t think you need the closing line. in fact it seems outta place with the rest of the tanka—too “concrete” amid the imagery. but, yeah, it does seem to need a more proper closure than, “I long to touch them gingerly”. perhaps, and forgive any presumptions on my part, “but they’re too fresh.” or “for they’ve become mine.”
i’m sure ms Chamberlain would have loved the pink-heeled poem!
It’s interesting how you have the poem on pink heels, not the reader. Must be tough to stanza in them for very long…
You have me on my toes