photo from 2018, Real Life Photographs
Some people come into the world and bring shine to everything they touch. Finn Thilo Trommer, born on September 11, 2004, exuded radiance. Wherever he went, he brought his curiosity, tenacity, discipline, integrity and goofiness. In the classroom, he achieved straight A plusses. He won the fencing tournament, the chess tournament and the science fair. He built his own gaming computer, then built computers for his friends, too. Finn was, as a family friend once noted, “150 percent alive.” He gave everything. Everything.
He loved using his body: He danced for eight years with Palm Dance learning hip hop and tap with Keri Sutton and had recently begun ballet. He loved skiing and learned to do backflips. He joined the golf team and took up tennis. Finn loved using his hands: building Legos, making wooden crafts, making stained glass and mosaics. He loved using words: he was an articulate communicator, mature beyond his years. He loved using his brain, and he endlessly researched what interested him most: cars, the stock market, gaming and photography. He sought out mentors who would push him—and many adults poured their love, energy and time into him, helping him become his best self. The family thanks every one of these people.
Perhaps most of all, Finn loved using his heart. He cared deeply about others and went to great lengths to be kind. One classmate recalls how when she was struggling on a backpacking trip, Finn carried her backpack for her. Another remembers how he helped her and other younger dance students feel included when they levelled up. He travelled to Guatemala and participated in mission work in Chujulimul. And for years, Finn volunteered once a week at the library with his mentor Dan Bergstrom-Noel tutoring other students in math.
Finn also had a strong sense of patriotic duty. He planned to join the military and hung an American flag in his bedroom.
He was a button pusher. A provocateur. He could never understand why others didn’t also bring their best, and sometimes he pushed others harder than they wished to be pushed. He loved to argue for the joy of arguing. In a town of liberals, he was a conservative. In a state that legalized marijuana, he was staunchly against its use. He loved country music and cello. He was so utterly, unapologetically himself, stumping any stereotype.
Because he was so blessed, it is hard, perhaps, to understand why he took his own life on August 14, 2021. Perhaps some people are so radiant because they have to be—because they have an inner struggle that forces them to show up brilliant just to be able to meet a morning. This was the side of Finn that few outside his closest circle knew. He was never satisfied. He was insatiable for experiences and knowledge and things—almost as if there were a hole inside that could never be filled. He felt life so deeply—felt it all. He desperately wanted to feel at peace, and despite therapy, mentorship, medication, unconditional love and other healing modalities, peace eluded him. His first word was “shadow”—a word that now feels prophetic. He was forever linked to both the light and the darkness, and though it was the darkness that took him, it is also what shaped him into the luminous being he was.
He was known to his mother Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer as My Beamish Boy and Finnito Bambino; to his father Eric Trommer as Tall Man; to his sister Vivian Rose Trommer as Finny; to his sister Shawnee Trommer Adelson and her husband Drew Watts simply as Finn, to his grandmother Julianne Wahtola as Sunny Funny Finn, to his grandfather Charles Wahtola as Finnstermuffin, and to his gaming friends as Green Tractor.
The family thanks the community for all the generous love and support in this difficult time—we are astonished by the goodness of people. The love doesn’t diminish the pain of his loss, but it helps us meet the pain and move forward. Finn was a comet—brilliant, then no longer here, but not gone. With his unrelenting realness, he forced others to meet the world as it is. Let x equal x. In Finn’s memory, consider an act of kindness, especially toward someone who pushes your buttons. A community gathering will be planned in the future.
thank you, rosemerry, for inviting us inside. i feel privileged to know Finn and all of you better. i am richer as a result. i send you a warm embrace and my wish for healing and growth.
Rosemerry, you may not remember me, but I lived in Colorado for five years and wanted to share my sorrow at your loss. I just heard about it. I had an older brother who was a lot like Finn. He died when he was 19 and I was eight. He had recently typed up a vignette of mine and told me he thought I was a born writer. That vote of confidence has carried me through a lot. May Finn’s gifts continue to bear fruit through you and the others whose lives he touched.
Hello Marjorie, of course I remember you! Thank you for this note, thank you for sharing about your own brother. What a gift he gave you. Thank you for the blessing …
So much love Rosemerry, so much love, and always kindness. Deep bow of thanks for opening the circle so wide. Janice
So sorry to read this. Condolences to all.
Beautiful tribute. Heart hugs to all who miss him.
Rosemerry, I’ve been reading your amazing poetry for about a year, I think. It’s like drinking a tall glass of pure, bracing water. I’ve not written before but now I must, as you’ve been on my heart daily since I learned of your son’s passing. Even his photo is radiant. I understand this battle of light and dark in one so loved…and I know the love is eternal. Yours for him and his for you. It shines in every heartrending line here. Strength to you and all Finn’s family and friends as you remember the gift he was, is, and will always be.
Many blessings,
Fran Haley
Thank you for sharing a bit of the luminosity of Finn’s life. Sending so much love and courage.
Thank you for your trust and your sharing of your wonderful, ethereal Finn. What an amazing young man, his energy will always live on.
Much love and my deepest condolences to you and your family
I am so sorry to hear this Rosemerry and send hugs, hugs and more hugs. What a beautiful depiction of your sons life. 😢
Had someone ask me about you today,|
You are still on people’s minds and on their hearts.
Thank for sharing Finn’s story so honestly and openly. Finn, may your transition be blessed with peace. Love is a miracle each day! Best to you all.
Moving, Rosemerry, written in the beautiful manner only you could give us. Positive healing to you and yours.
Thank you for this beautiful sharing of Finn and his bright light. Somehow though we never met, I have felt a strong connection for months. May you and your family and close friends all continue to feel deeply loved as both love and grief continue to flow. I hold you all in my heart of hearts with deep love.
Thank you, Rosemerry, for sharing your beautiful, brilliant boy with us in this way. Prayers for his soul’s peace, and prayers for solace and healing for you and your family. Holding all of you in deepest love.
I love you for being a truth-teller, Rosemerry. My heart aches to know my beautiful friend is suffering and I long to make it better somehow, but that just not how life works. I see you’re finding light. Your vibrant son (your mini in many ways!) will be missed, and I hope with every shadow, a sweet memory of Finn warms your heart. Great big hugs.
Words seem so inadequate for this moment. I’ve struggled too with a son in this kind of trouble. Your strength to meet the moment is something to behold, but if u or or family find yourselves needing help, grab for it without hesitation. Blessings to you and yours through this time of deep darkness. I’ve taken to heart your tribute call to show kindness to someone who pushes your buttons. A few battles have been avoided, and love was shared instead.
So sorry for the loss of your special,special son. ❤
The radiant mama who throws full spectrums of dancing sparks to dazzle the shadow will sound the songs of long rays of light for her Beamish Boy heard ever as tender words and lullabies of love. Her soft whispers and wails pierce the vast, will reach and play into these ears meant to hear the coos of such brilliant love, just for him.
Sending you, dear Rosemerry, Eric and Vivian Rose hugs of love and love and more love.
Your Beamish Boy lived a fine full life, however brief it was. There are folks with far more decades under their belts who haven’t lived half as well or fully. Thanks for telling us so much about his dear soul.
Sending peace to you Rosemerry. Sending peace and gratitude for the sharing of your beautiful son Finn.
Rosemerry, I can’t imagine….there are no words…or if there are, you will eventually find them. Sending love and paying love forward
Much love. No words can do more than yours already did.
The most beautiful and moving tribute…such an astonishing young man. Tidings of comfort and peace to you and your family, Rosemerry. And Godspeed to you, Finn. 💖
”Perhaps, most of all, Finn loved using his heart.” With all of mine, I am sending my deepest condolences and prayers to hold and carry you too.
I love this tribute even as it breaks my heart. sending love to all who loved him.
Thank you Rosemerry. I am deeply touched by your tribute to your beloved Finn. There are three songs by Sara Thomsen that come to mind when I imagine him in the silent spaces between your exquisite words: https://echoesofpeace.org/track/804948/holy-angels [“Holy Angels”] — https://echoesofpeace.org/track/804924/the-beauty-of-the-dancer [“The Beauty of the Dancer”] — https://sarathomsen.com/track/2557529/come-be-in-my-heart [“Come Be In My Heart”]. And then there is Hauser’s rendition of Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc8gYoXkLZ4. May the radiant spirit of Finn be with and within you in all ways – always.
I am heartbroken for your loss and am amazed that you were able to write such a wonderful description of Finn even as you are grieving. Love to you and your family.
hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart broke reading this. May you know comfort.
I don’t know how to love/like other people’s sentiments here and for that I am so sorry. I know you only “only” through your online offerings. And I so very much wish I knew you deeper. I send you love through the gaps, understanding where there is none, and comfort. Always comfort.
I am so very sorry. No words. My writer brain froze up at this sadness.
thank you, dear D’Ann. Thank you.
Rosemerry, I am sorry that this came to my attention so late. My heart breaks for you and your whole family. Your tribute is beautiful, and reflects this amazing young man. Blessings to you. Chis
Oh Chis–of course your name (and your nickname) made me smile. Thank you for reaching out. The loss is enormous. The lessons have been, well, enormous. The inpouring of love has been enormous. It’s a lot to meet. Sending you love, dear man.
Rosemary, I just read an excerpt from your poem, “More Love, More Live,” and did a google search to find the whole poem. There was your essay about Finn and the hundred falling veils. You have my deep sympathy. May the in-your-bones memory of such a brilliant comet be your own guide toward Home.
Oh JoAnn, thank you for this note. This morning, inexplicably, I rose quote early. 5:20 a.m.. Very unusual for me. And went to the ocean (we are in Belize) and was there for some time before I watched the sun rise. So beautiful. So bright. A beacon. It was only later I realized it was a homophone for son rise, and that is was the 8 month anniversary of his death. Of course he rises in me every day, but this, well, this was quite special. Both comet and sun rise, this boy of my heart. Thank you for your kind words, your sympathy, your blessing.
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I was introduced to Finn through your poetry. As a mother I can understand your pain. Although I didn’t know him Finn appears to have been such a brilliant young man. Although his life was short he lives still through your poetry and the memory of others. God bless you and your family
Thank you, Nancy Ann, for your kind words. Thank you for the blessing for me, for my family. I am grateful for you coming alongside–