How do we speak of grief with our children? With our beloveds? Sometimes even the softest words feel too crass. Sometimes, the night allows us to be together in wordless times in deeply intimate ways. This poem, “Talking with My Daughter About Grief,” was written after my son died in 2021. It’s part of DARK PRAISE, a spoken-word album on endarkenment–exploring the ways the dark nourishes us.
The video features the amazing Steve Law on guitar, with art by Marisa S. White (Happy Birthday, Marisa!) and it’s made by Tony Jeannette. You can download the album for free or listen to DARK PRAISE on Spotify, Apple Music, or anywhere you stream music. You can also buy the album for $15 to support our efforts on bandcamp.
Talking With My Daughter About Grief
We lie in the dark
and speak about anything
but what I ache to speak about.
Some part of me longs
to find the words like search lights
that will help us find
what we don’t yet know
we are looking for.
Or a black light
that might help us see
what is valuable right here,
but invisible to our ordinary eyes.
I try to infuse my words
with candlelight, but somehow
even this feels too brash,
too aggressive, and so
we lie in the dark
and I let the moon
do all the talking.
Oh, waning crescent,
you know when to shine,
when to simply be held
by the dark.
ohhhh so tender
so tender …