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Archive for June, 2020

 

for Jim Tipton

 

 

I woke up needing proof of love,

proof that we feel it,

proof that we share it, proof

that it matters. And there,

old friend, on the shelf

I found you, surrounded

by dusty covers. I hugged

your pages to my chest.

Is that silly I somehow felt your book

hold me in response?

The way you would hold me—

the kind of embrace that has summer

inside it, and desert honey, and patchouli, and silk.

 

No one could write a love poem

like you—a poem that made

almost every human feel as if they, too,

had a heart full of orchards made for wandering in,

eyes wide as high mesas

where any lover would want to explore.

 

Today, I want to read everyone your book.

I want the dark bread of your words to find

every lonely woman, every lonely man,

retelling them they are beautiful. I want

the salt in your words to dissolve on my tongue,

to attune me to thirst. I want to remind

every person what we are capable of—

a love so astonishing it gathers in us

like ripe peaches, sweet,

so impossibly sweet, and yet real—

something we treasure so completely

that all we want to do is give it away.

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A Tale of Two

 

            for C

 

 

I want

to hear

you, but

when you

shout, I

shut my

heart’s door,

lock my

ears. Now,

after two

loud days

shouting back

in lines

I’m glad

I never

sent, at

last I

find enough

quiet

to hear

you, but

not enough

trust to

give you

the key

 

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Next Draft

 

Endings are what give stories meaning.

            —Erin Morgenstern, The Starless Sea

 

 

If the ending

is what gives

a story meaning,

 

then may we

never learn what

this story means.

 

I don’t want

to reach anything

like a vague

 

ever after. Here,

take what’s left

of my blank—

 

please feel free

to lose our

table of contents,

 

rearrange our index,

renumber our pages,

revise the tension,

 

and if we

near a denouement,

then my dear

 

let’s have stacks

of pink erasers

on hand, ready

 

to sacrifice any

resolution that might

be goodbye—know

 

I would rather

struggle with you

in the messy

 

middle than ever

arrive at the

end.

 

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simplified

 

 

 

given

only

one

word

 

to

stitch

through

my

 

thoughts

let

it

be

 

this:

adjust

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In the spaces between

the words I didn’t write,

there was a pour of poison.

A wall-full of bricks.

The barbs from a hundred hooks.

I almost forgot how in the writing

some of that poison would

slip into me, how I despise

a wall, how each hook

demands a bit of my blood.

I spent hours not writing it,

used up reams of thoughts.

It was a relief when the wind

blew away all the words

except these: I understand.

Those, it let me read again

before they, too, blew away

and I didn’t chase after them.

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Always Home

 

 

 

And on that Saturday morning

when you feel isolated, alone,

no matter the time, or even

if it’s a Tuesday, call me.

I won’t be able to fix anything,

but I will remind you that you

are home, right there in your body,

you are home. And I will listen

as you weep. I will listen.

And though I won’t sing

in a way you can hear,

I will sing for you. I will sing

a circle around you,

I will sing you home.

 

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for J Unterberg

In the picture on the news,

the little black girl holds a sign

that says, I’m your next president.

And in the grocery store,

the clerk smiles at me from behind her mask

and compliments my dress.

Consumed as I’ve been

with a sorrow so great

it swallowed our country whole,

I had thought it would take an energy

equally great and opposite

to pull me away from the bleak edge.

But then a stranger walked up to my car

where I was parked on the side of the road

to make sure I was okay. And just like that

I felt myself backing away from the edge,

just a bit, just a bit.

It can be so small, what reminds us

who we are—a people who want

to thrive, to live in peace,

a people who are kind to each other

not because we have earned it, but

because kindness is in our nature.

I want to vote for that little girl,

want to help create the just world she rises in.

I want to help someone else

back away from the edge,

just a bit, just a bit, another bit.

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the more I wear this story

of myself, the more

it grows thin, ravels,

a sweater filled with holes—

I fall through them

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On the hill,

the lilacs bloom each spring,

a fleeting purple offering.

 

Why do I walk to them

with a question

about anger?

 

Their perfume pulls me closer,

bids me step in, bids me

breathe more deeply,

 

and I do. For a while,

I forget my seething, forget everything

except the many flowered blooms.

 

For a while, all that matters

is that I am one who stands beside lilacs,

steeped in the lilac world.

 

It becomes who I am,

though I know it won’t last.

There, says the lilac.

 

There is your answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I invite you to fall down. Fall down to the earth.

Zenju Earthlyn Manuel, “Darkness is Asking to Be Loved,” Lion’s Roar

 

 

Today, I am fallen tree.

I am deadwood.

Surrender. I am

don’t-try-to-rise.

 

Today is a day to know

what it is to fall,

to be felled, to stay fallen.

To say nothing.

 

Today I am grateful

for gravity that insists,

Don’t try. I don’t try.

I lose any certainty

 

of where my body ends,

where earth begins,
lose myself in dark, loamy scent

of disturbed and open dirt.

 

There will be a day

to rise, to stand, to grow

new leaves that gather shine,

to share. But today is a day

 

to lie on the ground

and lean into loss,

say yes to confusion.

to be torn apart, to listen,

 

to know the only way

to start again is from here.

 

 

 

 

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