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Archive for February, 2019

The Dream Speaks

 

 

Some dreams are meant to wake us up.

Like the dream when the man approaches your car

and you roll down your window to ask him what he needs

 

and he speaks in words you don’t understand.

What? You say to him. What are you trying to tell me?

And he pulls out a chainsaw and thrusts it through the open window

 

and instead of recoiling, you try harder to hear

what he’s trying to say. What are you saying?

you ask him, still wanting to make sense of the man,

 

believing he has something important to teach you.

He is here to teach you some people are not safe.

And why is it your survival instinct is so slow to kick in?

 

At last you thrust the car into reverse

and swerve down the narrow road before launching

into the air and soaring, soaring away from the man,

 

somehow unsurprised when the car lands in a canopy

of trees. And you are unhurt in the arms of oaks.

When you wake, as you do, each time you try to return to sleep,

 

there’s the man again, his chainsaw reaching for you,

the evil snarl on his lips. Wake up, says the dream.

Not everyone can be trusted. Why is it so hard

 

to wake you up? How can the world support you

if you choose to stay with what hurts you,

if you don’t let yourself be launched?

 

 

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Every little thing she does is magic.

—The Police

 

 

through sirens, rush hour,

taxis, bright lights, windy streets

walks the Sierra Nevada

 

*

 

even in poor soil,

the yarrow thrives, excels

in beauty and biathlon

 

*

 

running with the half-wolf—

freedom

has six legs

 

*

 

a democrat and a republican

walk into a bar—

just sayin’

 

*

 

filling sippy cups

and playing taxi driver

the woman with several masters

 

*

 

places for adventure:

beach, mountain, ocean,

on the page

 

*

 

herbs on the rooftop

and their gardener both grow better

when sung Annie’s Song

 

*

 

two fine medicines—

So You Think You Can Dance,

bottle of wine

 

*

 

fixing the internet

and home audio system—

this tropical flower

 

*

 

every Wednesday

a democrat and a republican

go on a date

 

*

 

next chapter—

unable to read ahead,

she brings a lead rope to the cliff hanger

 

*

 

giant sequoia—

the longer she grows,

the more she has to give

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It took five days, but at last I thought of you, old friend,

friend I loved and wanted to trust, friend

 

who burned every bridge I tried to build between us,

who turned gratitude and apology to smoke, to ash,

 

who taught me that love is not enough—a lesson

I never wanted to learn, which is why I am grateful

 

you helped me to learn it.

No one gets through life without injury.

 

Still, I wanted to believe that a kiss and forgiveness

could make things better, but some things

 

are better left broken. Thank you for teaching me

that all passes, that even without a road, without

 

a bridge, without a track, the train of time

finds a way to keep moving, eventually

 

speeding by so fast that what seemed

unable to be overcome becomes a blur

 

and that hope gives way to something even

more beautiful: saying yes to what is real.

 

So though you will never know it, I forgive you

for your scissored words and sharpened

 

silences. I forgive you for giving up on love,

for saying no, goodbye. It takes almost no effort now.

 

Even uranium has a half-life—albeit 4.5 billion years.

How much sooner forgiveness has come. More like a lawn

 

that went unwatered and dried to brown, to dust,

but then when seasonal rains returned, turned green.

 

Yes, thriving and lush, here is the new lay of the land,

ready for anyone to arrive. Anyone. Even you.

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scraping snow

off the car windshield—

so, too, these frozen thoughts

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I wanted my love to avalanche,

and love said to me, be flake of snow,

 

I wanted my love to be tsunami,

and love said, be water in my glass.

 

Be crumb of bread, be scrap of cloth,

be ray instead of sun.

 

I wanted to be enormous.

Love said to me, be one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One Resilience

my heart a cottonwood seed

landed on rock instead of soil—

love says, time to trust the wind

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One Great Loss

—for Jack

 

 

such terrible silence

when the dog isn’t whining at the door—

the space on the dog bed empty

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Forgiveness 101

 

 

The first person I forgive today is myself

for staying up too late last night—how

I loved reading into the late hours, the story

 

crooking its finger at me, tethering me

to its pages. What good does it do

to call myself stupid, to lash out at the part of me

 

who thrives on those slender moments

when I am alone and the house is quiet

and I am the sister of words. No, better to tell

 

that late night reader that I’m tired.

Better to smile at her, though she thwarts

the morning me who loves to rise feeling rested.

 

She does not apologize. I know I will have

to forgive her again. Somehow, when I start

with myself, it makes it easier all day long

 

to practice forgiveness for others—

the slow drivers, the complainers, the bullies,

the pouters. They probably have happier,

 

calmer, more rational selves, too,

that they are also thwarting. All day I practice seeing

the heart of a person. All day, when I yawn, I smile.

 

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My brother thrilled to pummel and punch

that red-nosed clown again and again—

an inflatable plastic sack with a round weighted base—

 

and always the clown returned to standing.

Forty years later, I still don’t want to punch anything,

wish, instead, I could be more like that red and blue Bozo,

 

could roll and twist and spin each time

life knocks me over, and though I wobble,

though I bob, I would defy the laws of physics

 

return to standing, yes I would,

and find a way to smile.

 

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The snow was light and the moon was near full,

and the shovels skated across the drive.

 

The rest of the world was asleep

except for the shoveler and her shovels and the moon.

 

The snow was light and her thoughts were quiet,

quiet like leafless cottonwood trees

 

with branches that tangled with the forward moon.

There are nights when though we are alone

 

we are not alone,

nights when the darkness doesn’t seem so dark,

 

nights when our work feels not like work

and we step out of our homes, then out of ourselves,

 

and we are somehow unsurprised

by the way everything shines.

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